All Of Me.

The Consequence of Realisation.

'Accha lag raha hai. Aapki baahon mein, aapke paas.'

Ram was in an emotional turmoil when he came back to his room. There were a lot of things circling his mind, and at the centre was this sentence. Priya had said this, just now-although in a drunken state-when she was in his arms. She said this while wrapping her arms around him tightly, closing her eyes and feeling at peace. He suddenly felt like the old Ram again, listening to his Priya, being drunk and opening her heart out to him. His Priya. He got up with a smile on his face, to go back to her, be with her. But that smile disappeared and he stopped as he remembered how long ago he had last said that. 5 years. When they were happy. When they were together.

'Nahi main....abhi uske paas nahi jaa sakta. Cheezein..badal gyi hai ab, pehle jaisa nahi raha toh....' he rubbed his finger on his eyebrow, feeling defeated, and sat back down.

Flashes of his memories with Priya when she was drunk flashed before his eyes. His birthday, when he had started realising his love for her. She had put her head on his shoulder, as if leaning all her insecurities on him for the first time. She had told him about her dad, how she acted like she didn't care, but she did. How she wanted to have something to call her own, but was afraid to lose it. He had seen a different Priya that day. And ofcourse, there was that rain. The beautiful rain, that touched and caressed Priya's face with the same love as Ram's eyes were watching it. He had let his thoughts for her go free as he had rested his chin on her shoulder blade, losing himself in her fragrance.

'Uss raat pehli baar tumne mujhse Dil khol ke apne dil ki baat ki thi, Priya. Ek dum beparvahi se. Ek dusri Priya se mila tha uss din main. Jo bhot bhot zyada khoobsurat hai.
Par vo kisi aur ko nazar na aye yehi chahta tha main, isilye tumse vada liya tha ki tum sirf mere saath hi drink krogi.'

The last night they had spent together had been no different. She had told him that she only wanted him, for every second, forever. He had promised her that he would never leave her, that he would be with her, every step of the way. Oh how hopeful they were! How much they had relied on each other. He remembered he had thought about it that night. That problems would come and go, but there wasn't anything he couldn't do if she was with him.

'Mai tumhein kahi chodh ke nahi jaane vala haan.
Na Aaj, na kal, na parso. Humesha tumahre saath rahunga.'

His promise to her had been broken just the next day. He felt a pang of guilt for not living upto it. For leaving her when she needed him the most. For believing her lies and not having faith in their love. For thinking she had been with someone else, just after she had told him she wanted to spend more time with him. How could he had thought that? That she didn't love him then?
Or even now for that matter. She wanted to be with him. She had said it herself. And Priya always told the truth when she was drunk. She couldn't have been faking this. And why would she want to?

'Iss vakt bhi main tumahre saath hona chahta hu par...par kya pta jab tum subah utho, tumhein mera vahan acha lge na lge. Ya phir itna bura bhi na lge. Kru toh kya kru mai?'

Damn it! It had been 5 years. He needed to talk to her, tell her all that had happened. He needed to touch her, to bury his face in her hair. She had done something to them, made them more beautiful -if that was even possible. He wanted to feel her beside him, smiling at him, cuddled into him. But his Super Ego was dominating. They had a daughter. They were divorced. And it didn't matter if he really wanted to pull her close to him, kiss every part of her, so deeply, so unequivocally, that she could feel his love penetrating through her.
He came back to reality and chided himself. Kya kar raha hai Ram?

'Mr. Kapoor?' a soft voice came from behind.
Ram jumped up and looked at her in utter surprise. Mostly because he just saw her almost unconscious. And a little because he was just thinking about jumping on her.