Flash Fictions by Benjamin D. Togate

I am Steve

"Com 'on Stella"

My loyal blue heeler sprinted towards me right away. It was another beautiful morning. The sun had just risen and hid behind mighty clouds. The air was fresh and salty. I had always loved those erly morning walks at the beach. This had always been my happy place.
Yet today, something was missing. A sense of lonelyness overcame me. I put Stella on a leash and slowly walked along the shore. I had another great day ahead of me. I'd tend to the animals at the zoo my family was managing, I'd kiss my baby niece, I'd have fun - as always.

But why did this dread wash over me like the small ripples of waves washing over my feet?

Deep down I knew why. Everyday people would remind me of him. The man people constantly told me I looked alike and was alike. I never got to know him. He died before I started to form conscious memories. All I had ever learnt about him was through videos, stories of family, friends and the people around me that loved him.

It made me proud. And it annoyed me. I was proud to become like the man I never had the chance to know. I was annoyed that all they saw in me was him. Yet, I felt the pressure to become even more like him. Did I really want to? What about me? Only thinking that made me feel like I failed him.

I thought it would be easier if he was still alive. I would not have this imaginary pressure to live up to his image. He would still be him and I could be me. Maybe I would have real pressure from him though - combined with hugs and words and love. And then I could choose to go against it or I could choose to go along with it on my own accord.

"It's hard" I sighed towards the clouds and rays of sunshine and the vastness of the ocean "and I miss you".
"I know you do" a gush of wind answered. At least that's what came to mind in an instant.

And then I saw them. A flock of stingrays flying towards the sky. Of course they were in my head. But I could see them clearly.

Tears welled up in my eyes. I knew this was a sign. A sign of piece. A sign of acceptence. A sign of freedom. He died doing what he loved and suddenly I was sure that he would have wanted the same for me. Not dieing of course, but the freedom to choose. He wasn't here anymore but I could be free regardless.

"Thanks dad" I smiled and continued my walk.