Hello, my name is Loser

Chapter 13: Accidental Kiss

I finish Bobby's drink and a dozen more.

We're inside Kevin's house now, crammed between bodies slick with sweat; my head thrown back, arms raised to the ceiling. The music is so loud that the bass vibrates my chest and the floor beneath my shoes. The heady scent of weed wraps around me and it's so strong it nearly cancels out the body odor permeating the air. Nearly, but not quite. The partygoers seem to move in slow motion, their limbs blurring as they dance. This is exactly what I want – to be nothing but a body. To not care about being blackmailed or lying about graduating college. To not care if my parents' love is conditional. To not care if I'm alone.

Bobby switched to water at least three drinks ago and is holding his bottle in the air with one hand and fist bumping with the other. I blink but he's still foggy like a cataract. Bobby's face is a tanned glistening smudge below the dimmed lights. It reminds me of an instagram filter and I giggle.

His smudgy figure leans in, lips against my ear, "What's so funny?" I never noticed how deep his voice was. Was it always that way? My teeth find my bottom lip and bite down. I feel like jello suddenly, like I might fall. The room is suddenly too small.

"Sam?" Bobby's question is warm against my skin and a tingle runs through me, causing me to gasp.

I like the way he says my name. It sounds good. In the haze of my thoughts I register my hand against his chest, the solid muscle beneath his shirt – now damp with sweat. I wonder what his lips would feel like against my neck, my cheek, ...my lips. I should drink water... I think...yeah. Drink water, Sam. Water, water, water.

But even as I chant it I turn my head, catching us both by surprise and our lips meet. Soft. His lips are as soft as I imagined. With my eyes closed I feel his body freeze.

What the fuck am I doing? I jerk away, blink up at his stunned expression and dart toward the kitchen, fighting my way through the crowd. I think I hear my name but it's impossible to tell with the volume of the music.

Don't look back. I keep walking or running, or wobbling. It's hard to tell at this point. The floor might as well be rolling waves. I need water. Yeah, water.

Two girls are talking in the hallway that funnels into the kitchen, "It's a cocktail! It's so good! I put a little bit of everything in it, here, try it!" She extends a red cup to her friend, but somehow it ends up in my hands.

"Hey!" "What the fuck!"

Their exclamations are like echoes in a cave and they disappear as I look into my new drink. It's hard to drink and walk at the same time, but I manage. Why is the kitchen so far away? I take a gulp of the bitter liquid, then another.

"Sam, slow down." I hear Bobby's deep voice from behind me as I stumble into a well lit room. His voice is hoarse and I wonder if it's what he sounds like in the morning. Wait, I can hear?

"Where did you even get that?" The music has faded and I'm standing in the mostly empty kitchen, facing a too cheerful yellow wallpaper.

I lean against the worn island, "A girl gave it to me," I say. Or at least, I think I do, but the sounds all slur together. Bobby steps in front of me and after looking at my face, mercifully doesn't comment on my speech.

"Here, let me finish that," He gently takes the cup from my hand.

"Sure, you can have a sip, but only a sip – hey!" Bobby dumps the rest of the contents into a sink that's overflowing with dirty dishes.

"You monster," I moan, and stomp my foot, "What a waste."

He turns to me with a grin, "Did you just stomp your foot?"