𝓙𝓸𝓱𝓷𝓷𝔂'𝓼 𝓵𝓲𝓸𝓷

𝓒𝓱𝓲𝓵𝓭𝓱𝓸𝓸𝓭 𝓽𝓸𝔂

johnny lost his childhood stuffed toy when he was twelve.

it was a lion plush his mother had bought for him, some time soon after he was born. when he was very young, she'd said it was because he'd had this little wild tuft of baby blond hair, like a lion's mane, and in part too it had reminded her of his father's hair. wild and golden. so, a lion. his name was lionel, at first - his mother had named him, but johnny as he learnt to talk couldn't quite pronounce the name, so it was "ryan" then, based off of his slurred pronunciation.

lionel-ryan was his best friend. his only friend, really. a classic comfort item, held tight throughout every argument he heard, sometimes through the walls and sometimes right in front of him. cuddled through everything he shouldn't have witnessed, and all the money troubles, and all of his mother's nights spent drunk and crying, and his father leaving, and moving to a strange new place with a man johnny didn't like and who didn't particularly like johnny either.

after the first time sid broke one of johnny's toys - tore apart an action figure he'd tripped over after johnny had left it on the floor - he learnt to keep lionel-ryan hidden away in his bedroom.

sid still knew, though. and when johnny brought forth his argument, age twelve, to start taking karate lessons - join cobra kai - sid looked hard at johnny. "if you're grown up enough for karate," he'd said, "then you're far too grown up for stuffed toys. don't you think?"

and he'd made johnny go and get lionel-ryan, pulling him out from where he'd been tucked carefully into johnny's neatly-made bed. he'd told johnny that he could take karate in exchange for proving he was mature enough for it, proving this wasn't another passing interest of a child, proving that johnny was grown up now, and the way to do that was by giving up his silly ugly bear.

(sid always called lionel-ryan a bear. johnny learnt to stop correcting him.)

johnny had thought about kreese, about what he wanted from johnny and what johnny wanted from himself too, and he'd agreed. and though he'd cried as sid tossed the stuffed animal into the fireplace and lit it like kindling, made johnny stand there and watch the fur burn until there was nothing recognisable left, he'd let johnny join cobra kai.

like most things about johnny's life, daniel learns this far too late. it's one of their late night conversations, when it's dark and they're curled together in bed and johnny can close his eyes and stomach his vulnerability solely by pretending he's not really speaking the words out loud, and like most things about johnny's life it makes daniel nauseous. nauseous and blindingly angry, imagining johnny as a helpless child, crying as his comfort item is burned.

(he suddenly understands why johnny doesn't like fireplaces.)

he wants to ask, the next day and then again a few days later, for more details about what exactly the plushie had looked like, what brand it had been, but decides that that might ruin it - if he asks johnny. but there's nobody else to ask (and god, that thought makes daniel nauseous again) so he goes in blind.

the lion he gets from the toy store is a distinctly modern stuffed animal, with baby-safe eyes and a mane of wild fur and a smile on his little cartoonish face. nothing like the one johnny would have had, but daniel hopes it'll be better this way. he's not trying to replace anything, just honour it, and he thinks maybe he made the right decision when johnny comes home and sees it on the kitchen island and bursts immediately into tears.

he cradles the lion in his arms and sobs into its mane. he keeps crying, crying hard, even when daniel rounds the island and takes johnny into his arm, the plush toy held between them, and daniel soothes him but doesn't try to make him stop. he lets johnny cry for as long as he needs to, for his child self and everything he lost in those years, everything that people took from him.

and a little while later, when johnny's all cried out and still holding the lion plush tight in his arms, daniel gets out his phone and - at johnny's behest - types "badass names for a lion plushie" into google.