Private Lessons

Chapter 4

Pov: Hope

Five to eight, I'm shaved, put on makeup and wandering around my room, my mind is stressed. I don't know what I'm doing. Why did I think this would be a good idea? How are sex lessons going to help me? I won't be able to come, she will get angry and then hate me. She will hate me, like Landon.

For the fiftieth time tonight, I grab my phone to call it and cancel, but before I can unlock it, someone knocks on my door. I almost stumbled upon my bed in the rush to open it. I open it and see Josie, my heart is squeezed.

She wears a tight black shirt and her sports pants. Her hair is loose, curly and wet, it is also a little dark, it is because of the shower after the game. Her eyes are lighter than the sky.

I must look terrified, because she smiles as she touches her eyebrow with her thumb.

"Relax, Hopey. I'm not going to push you against a wall and rape you.

She slides next to me in the room and throws a package of chocolates. I catch them before they fall.

"Your favorite," she says and falls on my bed with a moan. Do you mind if I play some music?

"Oh. No. It's okay. I picked up my speaker and she plugged in her phone. A slow and low-fidelity song begins to play silently. She stretches out on my bed and rubs her neck.

"Jesus, our coach is having a kind of sadistic episode, I swear. I won't be able to move tomorrow." She tilts her head towards me. Do you want to spoon?

I clumsily stood on my carpet. I'm not sure what's going on. I assumed that this lesson would be a little more naked, but it looks like she's getting ready for a nap.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to relax you, baby. It looks like you want to run away. You're hurting my feelings." She caresses her side of the mattress. Come, sit down, and eat your chocolate.

I feel cautious on the edge of the mattress. She approaches, dragging her feet, crosses her legs. Her knee touches mine.

"Then," she says kindly, extending her hand to take mine. How much experience do you have?

"I've only had sex with a boy. Landon. I went out with him from the age of sixteen to eighteen.

"And you never tried it again?"

I shake my head.

"I was too scared.

"A fraid?" her body becomes rigid. Hope, did he do anything to you?

"god, no. none of that. it's just that, every time i had sex with him... "I stop, trying to find a way that this doesn't sound pathetic.

"He peed on you," Josie ends, nodding with understanding. It happened to me.

"what?" I blink. no!

"Did he put it in the wrong hole?" men usually do that.

"not me...

"you discovered that it was your cousin," I hit her on the shoulder and she smiled.

"no, none of that. it just... it hurt." I look at my hands. she bows her head, without saying anything. I can hear her constant and calm breathing. The music is heard softly around us, like the waves. The rain is sliding down my windows. It hurt a lot.

"oh, love," she squeezes my hand. Did they check you?

"I went to the gynecologist, he told me that nothing was wrong, that it was because I was tense. But no matter how hard I try, I can never relax. and every time we had sex, it seemed to get worse and worse." I put my hair behind my ear. The night we broke up, we were having sex, and i just couldn't stand the pain. I told him the truth. When I admitted that I had never had an orgasm with him, he broke up with me. and since then I haven't had sex again. "But honey," she frowns. Why didn't you tell him he was hurting you?