Private Lessons

Prologue

Never?" he asks incredulously.

I put the blankets on my naked body, moving uncomfortably in my small single bed.

No, never.

"Did I never bring you there?" my boyfriend asks upset.

"No." Can you speak a little lower, please? I don't want mom to listen. "Landon is so angry that he apparently forgot that we are in my little room, with my mother sleeping on the other side of the wall. She is so medicated, but if she wakes up and listens to this conversation, I will have to fake my own death and go live in a cave.

"We have been together for three years, did you never think about mentioning that you had not had an orgasm?" I open my mouth, but he interrupts me. And of course it's my fault. Because I'm a complete asshole and everything I do is wrong, isn't it?

"No!" Not at all! It's not your fault, honey. It's me — I writhe in my sheets. In fact, it is quite common. Ten percent of women can never have an orgasm in their lives.

"This is a disaster, Hope." He looks at me with a face of disgust.

"What do you mean?" I... it's all my fault. That's how I am.

"This sucks," he says it as he stands up abruptly and starts walking around the room, running a hand through his hair.

"I can't be with a woman with whom I can't even have sex correctly." What's the point of having it if you can't cum?

"Landon, please." Terror is skyrocketing from my blood." I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I just didn't see the point. I knew it would bother you and I don't know what I can do about it.

"I've been with many girls, I've never had this problem!" he snaps his tongue. There's something wrong with you!" I shudder. I can't do this.

"What?" What do you mean?" "I'm so scared by the following words.

"I mean, we're done, Hope."

"I... but half an hour ago, you were telling me how much you loved me!" Tears cloud my vision.

He ignores me and begins to climb his jeans down his thighs. I slid out of bed and grabbed his arm.

"Please." Don't do this to me. I'm sorry. I will try harder. I'll go to the doctor. Or a therapist. Maybe there is a drug I can take, or something...

"As if that were less embarrassing." My girlfriend needs therapy and prescription pills so she can make her cum. It's humiliating. It's an insult, Hope.

"Why is it humiliating?" It's my vagina! It has nothing to do with you! Landon, please. I can't do this alone. "I'm starting to panic. I remember the dark days before I met him, when it was just me, Mom, the GCSE and the medical bills. The idea of having to handle everything alone again feels like a black hole that starts swallowing me little by little. Please. Please.

"Look at it this way..." he says reasonably, picking up his shirt from where he was. If I can't get sex in this relationship. I'll have to look for it somewhere else. Do you want me to break up with you or cheat on you?" He shrugs his shoulders and removes his hair from his face. Really, Hope, I'm doing you a favor.

"I don't understand why it's so important." At this point I'm already half crying. If it feels good for you, let's try, right? We love each other, so why does it matter?

"It does matter, Hope, because it makes me feel like I'm a complete idiot, I can't tell you that I love you and deceive you at the same time." He checks his watch and opens the door of my room. I grab his hand. My tears are sliding down my face.

"You said you wanted to be with me forever."

"Well, maybe next time, you should inform the guy you go out with before he wastes three years of his life." Hope, you're fucking defective - it snishes and closes the door in my face.