IT BEGAN WITH YOU.

Opening

I have always wondered to myself, Why do we express and feel the way that we do? 

It appears that everyone is wired in a specific way, however, we manage to still create a connection with another being. Going through these stages of knowing someone, there will be instances where the person you once knew turned into a blurred canvas. Sometimes you feel the pain right away, but there are times where the pain arrives unexpectedly and you can't help but suppress them. Sometimes these emotions don't introduce themselves to me until I see myself 'Healed'. Let me explain. 

It was in 2021, where I started to see a different version of myself. Someone more vulnerable than usual, someone who needed to talk about how they feel about themselves. It didn't take long for me to hate this new me, I loathed her and I wanted her to vanish as quick as she came. I couldn't understand my mind like I did before, because it was swarming with nothing but delayed emotions. It never really clicked where these emotions came from until I had my first breakdown. It feels like the mind is accelerating with every breath you take and you can't seem to stop until you do. The seconds turn into minutes, the minutes turn into hours. Until eventually, I shut down.

And for a period of the next days, I would feel absolutely nothing.