Life. I've always taken it for granted.
Even though I've lost my grandmother - my Mother's mom - and my only great-grandmother I knew, even though I've known my days are numbered on Earth, it never hit me that hard. Sure, I was sad for them, cried countess times, I still miss them today, I didn't realize how fragile that thing is.
We don't know how much we have to be here, and I take it so fucking granted I let depression make me try to end my life. Multiple times. I'm eternally glad that something always pulled me back the last moment. I always was. Kind of. I shook it off, telling myself it's not a big deal, that I'm still here, why would I succeed next time, if it comes.
But what if I did? What would the people who love and care about me do? Even if I can't seem to realize that in a bad mental state. It took my other grandmother's death to hit me. All the pain I feel for losing her. All the anger, the regrets, the helplessness, the remorse. It happened yesterday, but I only realized today, that I'll never see her again.
I can isolate myself from everyone, live without them for years, but they still care. And it would break their heart if I died before time. How could I make them feel this helplessness, the agonizing questions of what ifs, the regret that they couldn't help me?
I need to hold on, no matter how disastrous the situation might seem at times of sadness, depressive episode or a panic attack. Because they're counting on me. They love me, they're there for me, no matter what. I need to reach out to them, for their help, their compassion, for my, and their own sake.
This isn't particularly for anyone, just a reminder for myself in times of need. But if it helped even one person through a bad mental state, it was worth sharing with the world.
Be safe, and remember, You're loved, and you love.
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My Swirling Thoughts, or Whatever?
Random"You've expected a poem, maybe a slam from these lines. Well, I'll have to disappoint you, it just maybe contain some rhymes." "You watch the toxic particles dancing in the air, Contemplating about how your life went downhill." Whenever I have a tr...