Sad Short Story (m.c.)

Michael 2

I sit outside on the grass reading. The trees' limbs sway with the breeze. Sun warming my skin. Perfect breeze cooling my body. Pages in my book flip continuously and the wind catches them. Words. Ink on paper. Memories. All scattered with my reach.

I stop the pages from turning and search for my place. As I scan through the book, I spot something. A sentence. I don't know why it caught my eye. It made sense to me. It was somehow part of me. It answered me.

All of my demons are kept at bay by my distraction.

They came back. Telling me I'm nothing without him. Screaming that I'm just a waste of space. That I shouldn't be alive. I didn't deserve this. And I know I don't deserve this. But every time I say, "I'm done," he pulls me back saying," Don't leave me." And I don't. I stay. I keep telling myself I can live with this. With these voices in my head, screaming that I'm worthless.

My book closes with a thud. The green doesn't seem as beautiful as it did before. The trees don't seem so hypnotizing. The breeze has gotten stronger and the sun has been covered by a cloud, smothering me in shadows. I grip my book and stand up.

You're worthless. No one cares.

Everyone hates you.

Don't try.

Tears falls down my cheeks as I realize what is happening. The door flies open with the force of the wind. The book falls from my hand as I slam the door. I run to the bedroom and stumble in. The room looks normal. Bed messed up from sleep. Clothes scattered randomly across the floor. It's like a picture. A moment in time, frozen. But I know that the bedroom will never mean the same to either of us. A deathbed. A discovery.

Michael's guitar sits in the corner. I walk over to it, tears still running from my eyes. I pluck at the strings. Broken notes fill my ears. The radio is next to me, waiting for permission. I turn it on and find my favorite cd. It's cover has sharp handwriting scribbled on it, confessing emotions. The music slowly fades into the room, mixing with life. Just the light strum of guitar. Then a voice. But I can't hear anymore. I hear nothing.

Whispers. Screaming. Pounding open my skull. Paper and pencil. That what I need. Paper. Pencil. To say goodbye.

The supplies are in my nightstand. I open the drawer and shakily pull out my resources. Am I still crying? I don't even know anymore. My handwriting is broken and messy as I write down my regrets. I tell him that I'm sorry. That I still love him. That its not his fault. It's mine. I place it down and fold the paper neatly, then set it on the bed.

I take the tool into my hand, and cry. Sobbing. Exasperated gasps fall from my mouth as I shake with emotion. The tool cuts my skin, stinging. I start out slow, chanting, "I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'm sorry. I can't do this." My wrists are done. I try to cut with a bit more force, deeper than I've gone before. Red. It coats my skin. It's pools on the floor. My sobs have gotten louder. It won't stop bleeding. My vision goes blurry. The voices are back. Screaming that I'm doing the right thing. That I deserve to die. The music blaring, clouding my thoughts. Michael whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Luke's laugh. Calum's singing. Ashton's voice. All of it just billowing towards me. Blood is everywhere. I'm gone. I already know it. Everything is here, but me. Then the most beautiful voice came. But it sounded scared. I knew who it was. And I'm sorry.

"Y/N!"

~~~

(Michael's P.O.V.)

I walk into the house and hear music. My music. The cd I made for Y/N on our anniversary. It's so loud though. Y/N's book lies on the floor, pages splayed open.

"Y/N?" I call. She isn't downstairs. I start to head up into the bedroom, following the music.

"Y/N?" I repeat. I slowly open the door and... Oh, God.

The sight terrifies me.

She lies on the ground, pale. No movement. Blood pooled around her wrists. I yell, but nothing is there.

I walk over to her and slump to the ground, I want to cry but I can't. I'm so broken, I can't even fucking cry. Fuck. Fuck! Why did she do this!? Why did she leave me?! I failed her. I picked her up and held her head to me. My chest heaves, but only dry gasps come out. Everything is gone. My whole life is nothing.

She was amazing, and she never knew. She never knew the affect she had on me. The way she walked made me weak in the knees. I could get lost in her beauty. She was so perfect, it hurt. I try to make her believe me, but she just shakes her head and smiles. No more smiles. She is truly gorgeous, and I can never tell her that again.

I look up and see something on the bed, but I already knew what it was. I gently put her head back on the floor and grab the paper. I unfold it.

Dear Michael,
I am so sorry. I can't describe how sorry I am. For leaving you. I would do anything for you. But I just can't do this anymore. The voices are back and they keep telling me this is the right thing to do. I love you so fucking much. Please, live a good life. Find another girl. Get married. Have kids. Let me go. But please don't forget about me. I will always love you.
-Y/N

I clutch the note to my chest and dry heave. This all hurts so much. I can't believe this is happening. I can't do this. I can't live without her. I can't. I can't. I will not. Finally, the tears come. I turn the paper over, pick up the pencil, and address it to Calum, Luke, Ashton, and my family. Three words. That's all they need.

I love her

I place the paper back on the bed and pick up the razor. My arms stings with pain as I drag the tool across my skin. It hurts to know that she died without me. In pain. The thought makes me add pressure. I hit something that hurts like hell and scream. The tool drops from my hand as I bleed out. My head lolls to the side to look at her. She is beautiful. I think of all the times we laughed, cried, and loved each other. I will never forget her. My eyes are still planted on her face as my vision blurry. I smile.

"Wait for me, baby," I say as my hand shakily comes up to rest on her cheek. "I'm coming with you."

And with that, I'm gone.