CAROLINE'S POV
Almost a week after the accident I was at home, trying but failing to rest on the couch. I was tired, but not tired enough to turn off my mind.
A lot had happened in the last few days. It was Friday, I had gotten out of the hospital on Tuesday night, but I haven't been back to school yet. My first day back would be Monday.
Shortly after everyone found out about the accident Taylor had to make a post explaining how I was okay, but to please stop talking about it because I wanted privacy. Of course that didn't stop most people, but it was nice to see Taylor going out of her way trying to protect me like that.
After Asher got out of school on Monday he came to the hospital to visit me. It had kind of seemed like we were walking on thin ice, but once we actually got to talk in person everything turned out to be okay. At first I didn't want anyone to come visit because of the scratches and scars on my body, but Asher didn't even mention them.
He came over Thursday too when I was home, that time we had more of a serious talk. He still wanted to know why I didn't tell him about the accident sooner. I tried to explain to him that one side of my body had literally been ripped to shreds that night, that I had an organ burst, that Taylor didn't even know until I was in surgery, so telling my boyfriend wasn't the first thing on my mind. He didn't seem to understand. I eventually let it go, he'll get over it soon enough.
But right now as I was lying on the couch I wasn't thinking about any of those things, I was thinking about the crash. I knew it wasn't my fault, the other person ran the red light. So why was it that I never had any desire to drive a car again? I hardly wanted to even be a passenger in a car. When Taylor drove us home from the hospital I was filled with anxiety.
It wasn't just cars either, lately I just don't want to be alone. I was out on the couch instead of in my room because the couch is closer to the kitchen, where Taylor was. I can feel myself being irritating but its like I need to follow Taylor around to whatever room she's in, do what she does, ask her to take a nap with me. If I don't I'm alone. And I can't bear to be alone with my thoughts, because my thoughts always go back to the accident.
Now I didn't know how I survived this summer on tour. I rarely saw Taylor, and the times I did she was either on stage or sleeping.
I was debating on whether to just go out to the kitchen and sit on a bar stool in Taylor's company. I was tired, I could walk just fine now, but I had been taking one or two naps a day for the tiredness. I couldn't just skip taking a nap because it something I actually needed to do.
I was also a little scared to get up and talk to Taylor now because just a while ago we had gotten into an argument about me taking a nap. She said she had things to do so I was just going to have to go take a nap by myself up in my room. I really didn't want to be alone so after she had told me she didn't want me down here and that she had things to do I came to lay down on the couch. That started a whole different argument but eventually she gave up and retreated to the kitchen. The truth was that she really didn't have anything to do, she just wanted space and I knew that, but space wasn't something I could handle at this point.
I struggled through minute after minute of replaying the bits I could remember of the accident over in my head. After a while I heard Taylor get up in the kitchen and start heading this way. I quickly acted like I was napping as she walked over to the couch. I heard her stop in front of me and I felt her pull the blanket up over my shoulder and lean down to kiss my temple. For a moment my mind was off the accident, but as soon as she started walking away to her bedroom and the door closed behind her I was alone again.
