Scarlett ❤️

Chapter 1

I was always the confident one. The one that faught off the insults for the both of us. We laughed them off and moved on. I'm on my own now. Why is that so much harder?

Suddenly, I find myself over thinking every word thrown at me during the day - although over thinking has always been my speciality. I spend the night thinking about what they said, then I spend the day with no energy to stand up for myself - which of course makes me an even easier target. I miss her. Not just because of the idiots at sixth form, but I miss seeing her every day, doing everything together. I'm on my own now.

I picked the worst A level subjects. Don't get me wrong, they're great subjects, but as someone that cannot pay attention for more than 10 minutes of someone talking at me, I picked some really heavy subjects. I should have picked art, where I had more opportunity to move around and be practical. I'm terrible at art. Maybe sport, I should have done a sport. Except that I am also terrible at sport. I could walk for miles and I hate to be sat still, but if you throw a ball in my direction it would 100% hit me in the face, and I get out of breath going up the stairs too quickly.

Psychology. I picked psychology as my first A level option. I love it! It's so interesting. But as a teacher that looks into how the brain works, he's not very understanding when my brain switches off, or it starts focusing on the reversing lorry outside the window.
'This vehicle is reversing. This vehicle is reversing'.

"Scarlett Jones, are you even paying attention?"

What kind of a question is that? Of course I'm not Mr Atlas, you started talking about your cat and your children, and that obnoxiously loud lorry is working far harder to keep my focus. Honestly, I think he should change subjects; he clearly doesn't know how my brain works. Geography! He should teach geography with the name Mr Atlas. I wish they did a comedy A level, I'd definitely pass that! I'm hilarious.

Maths was another option. I know, I know. Am I insane? Probably. I like maths: it has one clear answer for most problems. I wish life was that easy. As easy as maths? I don't think anyone else would think that.

My final subject is photography. Honestly, I just didn't know what else to choose. So I chose photography; Chloe and I both did photography. Me, Chloe and... everyone that has ever picked on the two of us. I never had any issues at school. I moved around quite a lot, but settled in this little town by year 10. The bullying - I suppose it's bullying - started when we got to sixth form. I guess there's more opportunity for it. Teachers don't patrol the halls, you have more free time than actual lessons most days and you are free to express yourselves - really highlighting how different you are from everyone else.

For me, there's a lot of areas I'm insecure about. They find every one of them. My foster parents are a little odd. They're nice - although they often forget I exist - but they do appear to be rather strange and everyone obviously thinks they're my biological parents.

I'm pretty lazy in a morning. I can never fall asleep at night, so I usually lie in and end up running late in a morning. That's why my hair is usually a mess or I don't wear makeup like all the other girls. I certainly don't have the figure of a super model or any of these 'influences'. Im not just saying that either. My thighs wobble, my little pot belly jiggles and I barely fill my B cup. Im not unhappy with my appearance, I always have days where I look in the mirror and wish to change things, but doesn't everyone?

I sing A LOT! I often blurt song lyrics out once they spring into my head. I don't always realise I'm doing it and it definitely doesn't sound good. I'll admit, I get quite embarrassed when people laugh at my singing, but again it doesn't bother me too much.

Just because I'm mostly okay with who I am, that doesn't mean everyone else is. Teenagers thrive on targeting your insecurities. When I had Chloe, we would laugh them off together. She would join in my singing and it would become a whole performance. Now she's gone, I just go a little red and lower my head while the others laugh at me.

Chloe was my best friend... correction, Chloe was my only friend. I spent most days at Chloe's house. Her dad was a little scary but her mum was an angel. More like my guardian angel! When my foster parents would go away, she'd let me stay over. She always made sure I'd eaten before going home and she even took me shopping with her and Chloe to choose a prom dress. I always felt like they were my family.

She had an older brother - Finley Miller - his family called him Finn, and his friends called him Miller. He was two years older than us. He was a little intimidating. He didn't speak very much and he was HUGE! Well he was a little over 6 foot, but me being 5'5" (and a half) he felt like a giant. He had awfully broad shoulders for a teenager. Chloe loved him very much. She often got upset at how distant he was becoming last year. She said they were growing apart.

I wish Chloe and I had grown apart. Instead, we were ripped apart. I felt like I'd been torn in half and they'd shipped my whole left side to another country. I didn't even know they'd gone! She had tried to call me, the day they left, but I was at work. She wasn't sure why they'd left. Her dad had been packing boxes for a while but she assumed they were decorating.

We still talk on the phone some nights and she's promised to come back and visit one day. I don't remember the name of the city she's in, but she's 2 hours and 36 minutes away.

I keep telling her everything's fine here. She tells me the same. We're both lying. We stopped calling each other because it was harder to lie that way. Now we just text. She was telling me last night about her new friends. She's only been at that college for 4 weeks! I of course told her all about my new friend (that was another lie and she can probably tell). Chloe knows everyone at my sixth form, she was there for a year. She knows I can't have magically made a friend in my second and final year here.

I wish Chloe was here.