Amends In Your Arms

SS: The Funeral (final)

She had already lived this day before. She had gone through this pain, she had gone through this torment. Her heart knew this agony as if it was home. 

"Papa ab nahi rahe...Papa....papa..." Aarohi cried while Sirat held her tightly against her chest, wiping her every tear. She assured her that her mother was still here...that her mother would never leave her...that she was the most precious person to her now and always...that no one else mattered. 

"Meri mumma...meri mumma....mein bilkul akeli hoon...please mujhe bachalo...mujhe bachalo..." Aarohi sobbed as the Goenkas crowded around her. Manish took her into his embrace, and Swarna kissed her forehead. Kairav held out a glass of water for her while Vansh held her hand.

The second time around, it had hurt less...the second time around, it was what she had expected, what she had known to be familiar. The second time around, she had made peace with her fate...with her isolation, with her loneliness. And now, when it was time for the third, she could not even weep, she could not even whimper. She heard her Abhi's words in her ears..."tum ab apne sare decisions akele lena..." His words echoed through her entire body...haunting her more deeply than she could have ever imagined...maybe this is what he meant...maybe he was preparing her for this very moment...maybe this is all that was written in her stars. 

Umbrellas surrounded her as people started to filter into the field to bid Manish adieu. People came up to her to give her their condolences, but she avoided making eye contact...she avoided their sorrows to the best of her ability. A few folks told her to go under the ledge, that she would get sick if she stood in the rain like this...but she did not mind, she did not care...she was already sick...her heart was already no more. 

She tenderly kissed her father's forehead amidst the storm, cupping his cheeks into her hands...she told him that she loved him, that she would miss him for every day hence force. Her voice cracked as she said, "I love you, bade papa." And with that, she took a few steps back, watching Vansh and Kairav pick up his body, getting ready to bring him to what she told herself was a better place. 

Just then, she heard Manjari calling her name, rushing through the crowd of people. "Akshu!", she screamed, sobbing uncontrollably and grasping her arms. Akshu remained entirely still, not reciprocating in the slightest. She watched all of the Birlas filter in with their hands folded in front of them...Shefali hugged Swarna as she told her that they had made their way over as soon as they had heard...that they had no idea that any of this had happened...that they were so deeply sorry. Nishta hesitantly walked towards Akshu, assuring her that Abhi was most likely on his way...that she had tried calling him and messaging him, but his phone was probably out of reach...that he was probably doing everything he could to get here. Akshu gently pushed her away, heading towards the edge of the field. She closed her eyes as she dug her fingernails into her palms...as she tried to erase everything that had occurred...as she tried to make herself disappear. 

***

Right as Abhi reached the Goenkas, he saw their houseworkers dressed in white with their eyes fully red, fully swollen. They informed him as to the twisted turn of events, their voices trembling...their voices unable to fully explain how their Manish Sir had left them forever. Abhi felt his heart sinking...the ground crumbling beneath him. Bade Papa was the first father he had ever had...he was the first guardian who had truly cared for him selflessly. He was his parent...he was his protector, his mentor. But, as a lone tear dripped down his cheek, it was not Manish he cried for...it was his Akshu. He yelled her name as dropped the roses in his hands...as he began running towards the park where she was waiting for him...as he began running towards the only person who mattered. And as he ran, he recalled his words...his words telling her that she would be alone from now on...his words that she would have to handle everything on her own. He cursed himself a thousand times over, his words quavering as he screamed, "KYUN, kyun...kyun...kyun...KYUN kiya aise mein ne...mein kaise karsakta hoon aise....KYUN..." 

Once he arrived to the park, he saw a sea of black umbrellas crowding the area. Manjari immediately approached him and latched onto his shoulders, expressing how heartbroken she was. He ignored her entirely, not hearing anything she said. He left her behind as he pushed through the umbrellas, shoving everyone aside to find his love...to find the girl who was mourning the loss of her fourth parent...of her second father. 

***

"Beta, jab bhagwan humse kuch lete hain, toh woh humhe badle mein kuch dete bhi hain...tumse tumare maa baap ka saya cheena hai, liken tum dekhna...ek din aisa aaye ga ki tumare sir par Kahnaji ka haath hoga...tumari raksha kilye...humesha kilye." Akshu recalled the panditji's message to her during Sirat's funeral, her eyes still closed as she stood away from everyone, not wanting to interact, not wanting to see another remorseful face. But, just then, she felt a hand on her head...his hand...the hand that she would recognize even after she was no more, the hand that she knew better than her own. She instantly opened her eyes to see him standing before her...determination, commitment, fervor plastered across his entire face. 

"Abhi..." She whispered. 

"Akshara, tum akeli nahi ho...pehli thi...ab nahi ho. Mein hoon tumare saath...aur humesha rahoon ga. Aur yeh haath tumare sir se kabhi nahi utrega." He spoke with all of the affection, with all of the zeal in the entire world. 

"Abhi..." She whispered again. 

"Aur yeh kya hua hai? Tum apni take care kabhi nahi karti ho...tum sabko sambhal thi ho...liken tum apne aap ke saath aise kyun karti ho?" He asked softly as he used his other hand to touch her forehead, seeing the scar that had been left behind from her accident...seeing the scar's who's pain, who's blood the rain had washed away. 

And with that, she broke. And with that, she shattered. She fell into his arms, latching onto his jacket as hard as she could, sobbing as loudly as she could...finally having a place to rest...finally having a place to render herself empty...finally having a place that was safe...a place that was her's and only her's. 

Abhi stroked her hair over and over again, telling her to breathe...telling her to let it all out. Telling her that he was here...that he was not going anywhere...not now, not ever. Telling her that  she was his everything...that to him, it was just her... simply and fully her...that he was sent on this planet with the very purpose of guarding her, of sheltering her. Telling her that it would be okay...telling her that her father was looking down upon her prouder than he could have ever imagined...telling her that he would live on through her...through his daughter... 

She held him closer with his every word, taking in his presence, taking in her abode...taking in her Kahanji's hand that rested so firmly, so irrevocably upon her head.