Moonlight

(Nine)

No Shame // 5 Seconds of Summer

Charlie

"Do you remember the summer right before high school, fourth of July by the lake?" Micah asks as we walk back toward the cabin. His hand wrapped around mine, fingers entwined, thumb rubbing circles on my heated skin. My heart races a little as we talk.

"Yes." I could say more. I could confess everything I remember from that summer and tell him that's when things changed for me, but I'm waiting to hear what he has to say first. It's what I should have been doing this entire time.

"We watched the fireworks under the moonlight together. You put your head on my shoulder."

Tingles burst across my skin.

"I remember."

"That was the moment I knew."

I hold in a breath, willing him to keep talking. I don't trust myself to speak yet. I don't think I'd be able to get a word out without sobbing at this point.

"It felt...new. Suddenly, you were more than my best friend. You were my person. But I was scared shitless you didn't feel the same. That I'd lose you if I acted on those feelings. I was smart enough to keep them to myself, let our friendship continue so I wouldn't ruin what we had. Or..." Micah pauses in step to turn and face me. We watch each other, waiting for what, I'm not sure. Who'll go first? I open my mouth, but Micah beats me to it.

"Or it was the dumbest move in history because maybe I could have been with you the entire time." He leans closer, resting his forehead against mine. My eyes close, taking in his proximity, the warmth from his touch, the scent of him-a mix of pine and sweat-and I wait for him to continue. I need all of the confessions right now. Nothing held back. I nod to encourage him on.

"Looking back, I think I recognize how you held yourself back from me. Were you scared, too, sweetheart? Please don't be afraid to love me anymore."

The tears I've held back break free, silently spilling over and leaving a trail down my cheeks.

"Please, tell me it's the two of us now." He whispers, a tortured sound.

"It is," I say, finally. His body relaxes. His arms come around me, pulling me in, pressing me close so I have no choice but to wrap mine around him as well.

"God, I was so fucking scared."

"Me too." My voice wavers, but the relief that we feel the same is so strong I begin to gain strength from the knowledge. "That same night, I took the risk to put my head on your shoulder. It happened sooner for me. I couldn't not have you in my life, so I kept my feelings hidden. I tried to leave hints because I didn't know how else to tell you."

"So you put your head on my shoulder as a test." It isn't a question, although he isn't exactly right on that count.

"Not a test. More like a signal. I was hoping you'd see it as an opening if you were feeling the same way." He nods, the side of his head bobbing against the side of mine.

"I missed the signal because it was the spark for me, not the confirmation. You were further along than I was. But now," he leans back to look me in the eyes. His hand rises to caress my face. "Now we're on the same page."

I nod.

Then he kisses me, again.

My heart races as his soft lips press against mine. For a moment we're motionless. Then he tilts his head just so, encouraging me to do the same, and his lips part slightly. Enough to build momentum between us. One of his hands slides around to the back of my head while the other wraps possessively around my waist, dragging my body closer. I rise up on tiptoes for a better angle as his tongue slips in and darts out.