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𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨
𝘋𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳

Regulus had never pretended to be in one whole, didn't walk around pretending to be put together. He wasn't. He was never put together, never quite right, something was always missing.

Always too shy, too tired , too ridged. Something was always 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨. It drained him, didn't have the fight in him. He was just exhausted all the time.

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥
"𝘖𝘩 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘦"

Picking up his toothbrush, regulus carefully spread the toothpaste on the brush. Looking up in the mirror he looked terrible. Bags under his eyes, hollow cheeks that made him look like he was deprived of food.

Regulus didn't like looking in mirrors. Most of the time they were covered with something or just ignored completely but this time he looked up. He looked up and he saw someone broken and fragile.

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳'𝘴 𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘩,

His arm moved on its own. Completing the task of brushing his teeth , albeit slowly. Not intentionally. In fact he was completely gone from reality, his arms relying completely on muscle memory as he stared into the mirror in front of him.

𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘩, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴
𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮.

He didn't recognize the eyes across from him, watering up and becoming red. Sirius would say he became a little cherry when he cried and he'd always disagree but as he brushed his teeth and watched those strangers eyes water up and spill he had to agree that he in fact looked red.

𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘔𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘯𝘰, 𝘢 𝘛𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘥𝘢𝘺
𝘕𝘰, 𝘢 𝘞𝘦𝘥𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘛𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘍𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘺

It was embarrassing to cry like this. Leaning over shakily to spit out the toothpaste that's turned to foam in his mouth, he sniffled and sobbed quietly, turning on the water tap to wash his mouth out. Regulus knew what he was doing. His pathetic little attempt at fighting for some type of normalcy was laughable. What normalcy?

It's never been normal.

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘚𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥
"𝘞𝘩𝘰'𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯' 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘬?"

Regulus remained disconnected from reality, somewhere during his crying he ended up curled on the floor, knees up to his chest, arms protectively around himself. He felt weightless, unreal, like the steam of a hot shower he felt he'd fade away in no time.

He just wanted to be seen. He wanted to be loud and heard and not just some fly on  the wall, ignored by many. He wanted his Siri back, wanted his touches with James to mean something.

𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘯, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴
𝘈 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘥𝘮𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘴 ,𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵

Regulus finally opened his eyes again, sniffled and got up tiredly. Faced the mirror again with an air of acceptance.

He wouldn't be here long anyway. His arm felt hot and sore. The memory of his mistake replaying at the back of his head, always there to remind him his life was over. At some point regulus arcturus black would be no more. His brother would weep and in spirit regulus would wrap himself around him offering warmth that couldn't be achieved.

Regulus pulled open the door to his bedroom and as if nothing ever happened, as if he didn't sob on the stone floor like a child, pulled his face into an empty, robotic expression and made his way down the hall to start his day.

𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺
𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦.