"stay" - andy biersack

005

the day ran the same as any monotonous schedule would. i got up, got ready, ate a little, and ran out the door. i was supposed to be practicing today, again, but of course there was a change of plans. don't ask me why, not even sure.

leaving behind my apartment for the tour was a little hard to do. i haven't left in a little over a year. everyday of the past year and a half i was with jo. i always thought that i made time for her, since we were practically glued together for that amount of time. of course, there was times when i would go to parties and stuff. but she didn't wanna tag along. not really my fault.

maybe it was.

i've made a lot of wrong choices in my life so far, and i feel like the night we broke things off was the worst one yet. i should've made her stay. she should be sleeping next to me on this tour bus right now, giggling as she scrolled through her phone and wrapped her legs around mine.

i turned my head to imagine, but instead, it was just a cold empty space. i couldn't imagine it. it just wasn't true. i took a deep breathe while my hand ran thru my black hair. the bus ran smooth, but i could still feel the bumpiness of the road. with every passing hour, i stayed awake just thinking about her.

———

a firm hand shook my shoulder, bright light beaming into my face. i opened my eyes groggily and turned onto my back, groaning.

"what~??"
i murmured.

i stared at jinxx, who was standing next to me with a half smile.

"we're here, dude."
he exclaimed, then sort of whispered.
i just kept looking at him in annoyance, nodding.

i was too tired for this shit, and also still going through the effects of a break up. yknow, i never knew how hard it was to function on a tour when your heart is still broken. it feels like it's being held together by a few bandaids right now and i'm not even performing yet.

i got up and walked to the bathroom, brushing my teeth and combing my hair. it was always like a birds nest in the morning. i really should comb it out before i sleep. blah. i bit my snake bites as i walked out and sat on the leather couch, quickly tying my black converse.

"how'd you sleep, grumpy."
i looked up and furrowed my eyebrows, being met with CC sitting next to me. he opened up a bag of chips. for breakfast.

"fine, i guess?"

"you were tossing and turning all night, you almost fell."

..

i raised my eyebrows and opened my mouth. i could feel the embarrassment run through my body, keeping it cool nonetheless. i really hope i wasn't talking in my sleep. especially about her. they'd never let me forget it.

"i don't remember even doing that. huh— was i talking too?"

he shook his head, holding his chin abruptly and thinking.

"nah."
the tightness in my chest released. i nodded with a laugh.
..
"actually yea, you did."
he said suddenly, earning a punch in his arm in return.
"don't start lyin, now."
i said as i rolled my eyes and got up, leaving the bus to go to the venue. pfft, he definitely made that up.

———

i walked into the dressing room, rubbing my eyes as i watched the makeup artists and hairstylists run around aimlessly. come on guys, we still have like 2 hours.

"Oh, Andy ! get ready ! We have an hour until the show starts."

oops.

i changed into my signature all leather outfit, strapping several of my belts around me. i was always heavily inspired by motley crüe, though i've realized not everybody understands the difference between copying and being inspired. couldn't really care less anyway.

a woman with blonde hair rushed over to me. her tattooed arms were full of eyeshadow palettes, hairspray, and makeup. i've been doing my own makeup on tour for years..why are people starting to suddenly think i need help?

i know i sound like i'm being an asshole but its just a genuine question.

or maybe i'm being a little bit of an asshole.
just a little.

she beamed an almost familiar smile at me before putting everything down on the messy vanity. her dark eyes met mine, fixing onto me. i looked away quickly.

"uh, hey, i'm lilith."
she ran her fingers through her long platinum hair
i shot her a smile.
" heyy— you're my MUA?"
i didn't earn a smile i return.
ouch.
"well, yea~~, they recommended that you have someone help you."
she shrugged and held up her hair-combs.

i raised an eyebrow and shook my head. who would "recommend" that i need "help"? no one even asked me if i agreed to this.

"uhm, lily. i don't know why no one told you but i prefer to do everything myself."
i said hesitantly, rubbing the back of my neck with a slight frown.

her face froze, a peach tone spreading across her nose and cheekbones.
..
uh..
..
she just stood there.
..
did i say something..bad?

"lily?—nevermind. well andy, how about i just stick around your dressing room so no one bothers me?"

she said as she laughed nervously and put her stuff down, nodding her head quickly. her bleach blonde hair blew to the side from a nearby AC vent, exposing her features.

she was pretty, i guess. not as much as-

i suddenly realized what i called her and slightly gasped.
"oh-oh, gosh i'm so sorry lilith it's a habit- of course you can stay!"

what the fuck andy.

great, now she probably thinks you were flirting.
i took a deep breathe and looked at the mirror in front of me, pretending to fix my hair as i ignored her presence. a feeling of emptiness sat inside my chest. it felt like all of the happiness i once had before was scooped out of me.

not a single bit left.

————