Danny: Hey Riley, are you almost done in the bathroom? I have to take a massive shit.
Riley (in a nervous voice): Yeah Danny, just a few minutes!
(Riley anxiously looks down at the six positive pregnancy tests on the bathroom counter. She shoves all of them into her bra, washes her hands then runs out. Danny tries to go into the bathroom, but Riley stops him.)
Danny: Riley what you doing, I'm about to crap my pants.
Riley: Hold on Danny, I need to tell you something. Feel my bra.
Danny: I mean, I'm all for that, but can it wait until after I go to the bathroom?
Riley: OMG just do it!
(Danny feels Riley's bra.)
Danny: What are those little stick feeling things in there?
Riley: I guess you'll just have to reach in and find out.
(Danny reaches down into Riley's bra and grabs one of the pregnancy tests. He pulls it out and looks at it. His jaw drops.)
Danny: Riley, this is positive! Is this what I think it is?
Riley (with tears in her eyes): Yes, it is.
(Danny drops the test and runs to the bedroom. He comes back with Lysol, Clorox wipes, a face mask, and gloves.)
Riley: Danny, what the hell are you doing!
Danny: What the hell am I doing! What the hell are you doing?!? You're the one who's standing here with covid without wearing a facemask!
Riley: What the? Danny, I don't have covid! I'm pregnant!
(Danny drops everything he's holding and stares at Riley.)
Danny: You're pregnant?
Riley (in a shaky voice): Yes Danny I'm pregnant.
(Danny starts to cry.)
Danny: I can't believe I'm gonna be a dad, I'm so happy!
(He and Riley hug and cry.)
YOU ARE READING
My New Take on Baby Daddy
FanfictionOne of my roommates and I are watching the show Baby Daddy together and in order to avoid writing a paper for an actual assignment, I wrote this piece of crack instead. This is completely not serious and should not be taken literally. And no hate...
