Notes and letters (han jisung x reader)

What now

Chapter 31

Y/ns pov:

We all got in the car and Chan drove us down to the place Jay was at, we arrived while Jays family was still there I ran out and hugged their mom. We all said hello and how upset we were, then they led me inside Jisung followed behind along with a Felix the other stayed outside because they didn't know Jay well enough so they thought it should just be me and who ever wants to follow, we arrived at Jays body I was scared to see them died but I need to say goodbye before they showed the body I asked "how did she do it" Their mom turned to me with an empty expression "she ... shot herself along with her trying to overdose" Jays mom struggled to get her words out, my heart felt empty I know I'd somewhat get over it but it wouldn't be soon.

We viewed the body my head was still spinning Jisung was there to comfort me while Felix was close friends with Jay and their brothers. I didn't know what to do "would you like to be alone with her?" Jays mom asked, I nodded "I'll be right outside ok" Jisung hugged me. Everyone left it was just me, at that point I had cried so much but I knew it wasn't over "why'd you do it you promised" I wiped my tears "I know you said it's not my fault but I can't help to think it is I said I'd come to see you and I never came I guess I was so held up in my life I forgot about yours" I cried harder "I'm sorry I wasn't there, I should have never became a streamer if I didn't I could have kept you alive I could have been there for you" I covered my mouth I couldn't control how much I was crying "why am I like this why did I have to be such a fucking loner I'm an absolute loser" I knew how bad I fucked up "and not to mention I ruined Stray kid's performance I'm sorry I was such a shitty friend" I sat on the floor with my back against a wall and cried, Jisung came in "you've been in here for a while" he sat next to me.

I didn't know how to explain this I wanted to shut Jisung out I wanted to be alone but I don't want to hurt him, being in his arms was such a comforting thing "you can talk to me Y/n I'm here" he said worried, he understood how I felt when I told him about me being suicidal he'd understand this too right? "I just feel like it's my fault, I became a streamer and let fame get to me I lost touch with good friends I made I got used to not opening up I feel like I ruined everything" I struggled to get words out of my mouth "it's not your fault can I show you why?" He asked his voice so soft so understanding so... comforting, I nodded my head he handed me a piece of paper "Jays mom told me to give this to you, I may have read it before coming in here" he explained, i looked over the paper.

To Lee Y/n

I opened the paper

Hey so I guess it actually happened and I'm gone your probably on the floor crying like the dramatic person you are lol

I let out a laugh

Your also like "oh my god it's my fault I wasn't there wah wah wah" bro istg if you say that I'm gonna haunt your ass but it's not your fault I promise you it's not I just have a life that's all fucky wucky and you know that. I'm proud of you okay dont blame yourself because you have an amazing job and hot ass boyfriend don't deny it you know it's true. Promise you won't do what I did make it longer live a good life I'll watch over you to make sure and istg if you do the second you get to heaven Oop- sorry I ment hell I'm beating your ass you know I'm stronger than you too I love you ok I'm in a way better place don't worry although I wouldn't mind if you came to visit my grave every once in a while. Don't shut people out either all these amazing people in you life love you ok keep doing your cool shit.

I smiled as tears streamed down my face, they knew me so well "did that help" Jisung asked "yeah thank you" I smiled "see non of it is your fault, let's go eat ok you need food" He said as he stood up and pulled me up. We walked outside and Jays mom was telling a bunch of stories to the guys to keep the mood not so sad. I said goodbye to Jays mom and she filled me in on stuff about the funeral.

I have to admit I never thought this would happen, I never thought I'd be famous and I'd be in an amazing relationship with a K-pop idol I never thought id make a song... I never thought id lose my closest friend, but the world can surprise you.

We headed back to the dorms, my head was still spinning so the car ride was silent. Me and Jisung got to our room and sat on the couch "you know I loved that song by the way" he said slyly "really?" I turned "yeah it means a lot" he smiled softly "I know your day hasn't been... the most- I'm gonna say eventful but things are gonna get better okay and if it gets hard I'm going to be right here beside you I'll always take your side i swear" he held out his pinky to make a promise, our pinky's locked "promise?" I say "I promise" he smiled brightly, he gave me a soft kiss "now I don't want you to be sad but I also don't want you to deny your emotions soooo how does cheese cake and a movie sound?" He said grabbing a red velvet cheese cake from the fridge "that sounds amazing" I smiled.

I know it would take me a while to get over it, and it makes me happy that he know that and he responds so amazingly to my emotions.

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Another chapterrrrrr let's gooo not the best word count but I did it

Word count: 1101