It's too much.

Chapter Three. Truth.

I'm a confusing person. I hate touch, but want it. I hate kids, but want them. I hate friends, but want them. I hate a lot of things but I want them. And I hate that. But what I don't hate is the truth.

I'd rather people just tell me that they don't like me rather than lie and try to destroy me. It's hard to destroy something that's already destroyed. It's hard to break something that's already broken. But I'm like a drug, once your addicted, you can't stop. Cant stop hurting it, can't stop thinking about it, can't stop making your next move with it, but at the same time, it will hurt you two, always be several steps ahead.

The drug doesn't care about you, it is there for convenience. It doesn't matter if you leave it, because it will stay the same.

There isn't much to say about the truth, but I speak the truth with friends. I will call them out when needed and give them the hard truth even if they don't ask for it. I don't have much of a filter but I don't care, why should I? I tell them I want to kill myself, but they never take me seriously, even when I do try to kill myself.

They don't care, if they did, they would actually be there for me, but now I'm use to being alone. I'm not use to not telling the truth though. And I don't like that about myself, there is actually a lot of things that I don't like about myself. But at the same time I don't care about myself.

They don't realize that I would actually take a bullet for them. It irritates me, but I don't care, maybe I do. I don't know. Again, I'm very confusing.

There is never one side to me, its not black and white to me, there is more to me but I don't seem to care enough to try to find out more about myself. I think that irritates people. I don't like a single color, actually I don't have a favorite color, they are all the same to me. I don't have a favorite season, I don't have a favorite show, favorite band, but those are all things I will lie about, just to fit in. I don't want people to know a lot about me, so I will say that my favorite color is blue, my favorite show is the office, my favorite season is fall, and my favorite band is MCR (my chemical romance for people who don't know).

I don't enjoy lying. But I will lie about those small things. They don't matter much to me. I just want to seem normal.