cliché . hq | ✓

VIII. acatalepsy

uncertainty wasn't a stranger to the mentality of kita shinsuke.

kita was one to think about many things, way more than he should be.

sometimes, kita loathed himself because of this. why couldn't he just go with the flow as his friends could? why couldn't he feel like everything is gonna be okay, like he can just go and have fun without worrying about peculiar stuff happening all the time?

simply said, kita's teenage years felt like it was slipping away all too easily, and all because of his uncertainty to feel at ease — at least, that was his thought process at the time.

remembering the bazillion times his friends invited him to parties, hangouts, sleepovers, just makes him sad.

it makes him sad because he didn't go to any of them.

he was scared, that if he goes, something bad would happen to him, or his grandmother, or — anyone else in that matter.

he was scared that if he goes to that party, he would get in a horrible car crash from drunk driving or something — and that's how his death comes upon.

he was scared that if he hangs out with his friends til late at night, his grandma would forget to take her meds — and pass out on the floor with no one to help.

he was scared that if he slept at his friend's place, tragedy would fall upon.

but again, seeing his friends after the weekend where all those events took place — all in one piece — just makes him sad.

he would lie in bed, staring at the ceiling decorated with old glow in the dark star stickers, and think to himself — "why can't i be like them?"

sometimes, kita thinks that certainty is something he could never reach. something that would be so, so far out of his grasp to the point where he was so sure that his future children would doze off from listening to his childhood stories.

what? do you really think children would be interested in the story of him managing the paddy fields with his grandmother? probably not.

though the meeting of one beautiful, beautiful soul helped him escape that worry.

simple story, you signed up to become manager for the volleyball team — you met him, he met you, yada yada.

but what wasn't so simple was all the adventures you bought him on. adventures he never thought he would ever go on, adventures which he was positive he'd die in.

like, when you bought him to a rage room after a loss of a massive volleyball match that kita spent hours of his spring break practicing for.

he was very shy at first — feeling guilty to even break a single glass. although, that guilt faded into a sense of comfort after he broke the first glass, and off he went.

you were astonished to see this side of kita — this annoyed, mad, angered, riled up kita that you thought never existed, was right in front of you.

and you were relieved to see that he was slowly realizing the fact that he could be mad, and that he could have these feelings — and not having to always act like everything is peachy.

kita's shell was breaking because of you, and somehow, he liked that.

he liked how you were so persistent in having him do the things he always felt scared to do, and he appreciated your efforts to make him enjoy life like his friends could.

you were like this sudden awakening to him — as if you were sent from the heavens above to slap some senses into his draining mind, in which he was grateful for.

kita was once a boy who couldn't comprehend the joys of living.

though the girl who comprehended him, made him want to understand life to a further level.

she understood him, the way he never thought someone could ever understand a person.

and if it means he has to live life to understand her, then living shall he do.