Feelings| A Ghost Fanfiction

Chapter V

There were nothing but countless trees around, so dark and cold. No sign of people, or creatures alive around, excepting him…there was a tall, massive man in the middle of the forest. His clothes, which were light colored a while ago, now were crimson red and muddy. His breath was heavy, like he was struggling to take in any air. His brown hair was messy and dirty. Face pale, colored only by mud and blood, mixed together in.
  "Fucking useless child."
  "You deserve every bloody hit."
"Everyone died because of you. It is your fault."
  "You could have saved them."
  "You should have died instead."
  "I should have abandoned you sooner."
  It was the same masculine voice that haunted his dreams and thoughts. The voice that was so familiar to him yet he hated the most. No. The voice that made him hated himself. The voice that made him want to die, to make this end.
   "Make it fucking stop! For the love of god please stop it!" The man yelled as his hands covered his head, grabbing his hair tightly into his fists firmly, pulling it. One of the hands let go of the fair, the fist still clenched, hitting his head with it. He was desperate. He knew that won't make the voice stop.
  At the blink of an eye he found himself in front of a wooden door. His hands slowly slipped down his body then gently opened the door, walking inside.
It was an endless hallway, doors all the way down, on both sides. He opened a door.
  A big kitchen with a table in the middle. A little boy was sitting, forcing himself to eat something that looked like cereals. His face was pale, like he had just seen a ghost. In front of him was another boy, older than him, wearing a skull mask. He wasn't doing anything but stare into the little boy's eyes until he broke down, starting to cry.
"Ah yeah? I'll fucking give you a real reason to cry!" A man appeared behind the child, and with a simple but quick movement, pushed his head into the bowl he was eating from, letting out a loud sound.
  Another door opened.
The same little boy, now laying down in a bed. He was holding the blanket up to his nose, like he was trying to protect himself from something. At the edge of the bed was a man. The whole room was stinking with a strong smell of alcohol mixed up with nicotine, which seemed to come from him.
  "Are you going to sleep without saying good night to your friend?" The man spoke harshly, reaching a hand to the kid. He was holding a snake, which was chaotically struggling under the man's holding.
"G…good night.." the boy murmured.
"No no. Not like this Simon. You have to say it properly and give your friend a good night kiss."
The body took a deep breath, tears shining in his eyes as he sat up.
"Good night snake.." he mumbled as he forced his face closer to the snake, which was struggling even harder, and gently pressed his lips against the creature.

"Fucking make it stop!" Ghost yelled as he jumped out of the bed, his voice desperate and raspy as he tried to catch his breath.
His body was tensed up and sweaty, every single inch of it aching. He reached his hand out, putting on a balaclava, covering his face entirely.
Someone turned on the lights, then a small hand found its way on his shoulder, caressing it in a comforting way. He knew it was Madison, but her kind gesture didn't seem to be what he wanted. He was Simon "Ghost" Riley, the most powerful, feared soldier, the lieutenant of the team, so respected and even praised. There was no space for him to let his emotions slide, especially in front of a person.
"Ghost..? Are you alright? What happened?" Her voice rang, worried, even scared. Her eyes looked up at him from behind her eyelashes, barely opened.
  "Go back to sleep nothing happened." He said. His voice colder than usually, his answer coming mechanically.
She knew it was a lie. She heard him yelling and she could tell by his body language he was tensed up. He looked stressed, maybe even scared.
  "Was it a bad dream?"
  "It was nothing, now go back to sleep."
  "I might be a doctor that focuses on physical injuries but I'm not completely clueless about the mental ones."
  "Congrats, do you need a fucking medal for that?" He said harshly before pushing her hand off of his shoulder and walked straight to the door.
She sighed "I want to help you Simon."
He froze in place, facing the door. It's been a while since he heard someone calling him by that name, and the feeling wasn't quite a pleasant one.
"Don't fucking call me that!" He yelled, turning around to face her. "That motherfucker is dead, yeah? I am Ghost. End of discussion."
And with that, he left the room, leaving the woman alone, speechless. She couldn't help herself but feel bad. She knew about his PTSD. She knew about his night terrors, clinical depression and anger issues. She knew his reaction was something normal for someone with those problems, but she felt bad.
 
He didn't come back in the room that night, and Madison wondered what he could have done at that time. Sleeping with John was out of the options, but besides that, there were countless possibilities.
In the morning she did see him in the main room, sitting with her brother, Alejandro and Rodolfo. He was wearing his normal military uniform and his mask. She didn't remember him coming back to change his clothes, or at least take them out.
"Good morning." She said as she sat down next to John, letting her head on his arm, rubbing her eyes sleepily.
All men, excepting Ghost, greeted her. They were sitting at a circular table, studying something that looked like a city map, which made her believe they were preparing their mission. The thought of the upcoming mission made her stomach drop and her chest tightening. She only had to deal with their injuries, if they got any, but this time was different. She was going to be with them out on the field. She will have to witness them killing other people, witness her brother doing something she knew was happening, but never wanted to acknowledge it.
"Alright now that your sister is awake," Alejandro said, "we should tell her about the mission."
  "Yeah…well your part is really easy. We are going to this base." John said as he dropped his finger on an area on the map. "The base is going to be secured but we need a way to get in, as silently as possible. Ghost is gonna be here with a sniper and be our eyes. You, Madison, will be our voice."
"Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?"
  "You are going to walk up to the gate and tell them you have information for their leader."
  "El sin nombre" Rodolfo added.
  "Are you using me as a bribe?"
  "Soborno? No no, more of a distraction."
"You're aware I am not trained for anything but just medicine bullshit, right?"
  "I told them you're the worst pick." Ghost finally spoke, crossing his arms at his chest, looking down at her. "If we want to fail this mission then yeah send her."
His words felt like an arrow straight to her heart. She knew he was right, but the way he said it, alongside his expressionless voice, hurt her more than it was supposed to.
"Oh come Ghost, she can do it. After all, do you really think they will pay that much attention to anything when a woman walks in?"
"And you expect her to come alive outta there, while she cant fuckin hold a gun property?"  
"Captain Price agreed with this idea, so deal with it, Ghost."
"I call it bollocks."