in the cards | marlene mckinnon

07. in the end

A/N: i listened to Black Star by Radiohead on repeat while writing this. do with that what you will

Remus Lupin was angry, he always had been. Supposedly it was an unfortunate side effect of being a werewolf, though he might just be a bitter person. Even if he didn't wish to be.

But on this day, a stupid, sore and biting Thursday, he was angrier than he ever had been before. He was absolutely livid, both with himself and Sirius. Mostly Sirius. 

Despite Sirius' best efforts, he hadn't managed to get within five meters of his friend. Every time he entered a room, Remus left. If he for some unknown reason stayed, or simply didn't notice, either Peter or James kept him at arms length and away from Remus. 

Remus kept a stoic façade, going as far as distancing himself from Peter and James too. He didn't really know why, or have a good explanation for it. But everything felt too close to Sirius Black.

Everywhere he went his face, his cologne, his friends, his things lingered. The hallways weren't safe either, littered with gossip about the coveted quidditch player. 

Remus couldn't get Sirius off his mind, and that made everything hurt even more.

Lucky for the werewolf, he had been replacing his sadness with anger for the majority of his life; he considered himself an expert. He'd rather hate the boy for the rest of his miserable life than think about the heavy pit that weighed heavily on his chest. 

Maybe it hurt so much because he trusted Sirius, and that wasn't something Remus did freely. He could count the people he trusted on his hands, with fingers to spare. 

So, as he eventually became bored of the solitary confinement of his own making, he made his way to the library in the hopes of finding Evans or maybe Nielsen. He found them at the very least tolerable and close enough to him to not burn his social battery within minutes. 

The girls were sitting, along with Mary and a someone he didn't recognize, donning a Hufflepuff tie, tucked away in a corner. It had taken him a minute to find them, their occasional giggles eventually exposing them. 

Remus felt awkward interrupting them, they seemed so normal and happy. He thought he'd taint everything merely with his presence. 

To his relief, Lily noticed him before he even had the time speak up. "Remus! I haven't seen you in a few days," she smiled, gesturing for him to sit down in an empty chair beside her. 

"I was sick for a while, but I'm alright now," he easily lied, not really in the mood to converse.

 "Yeah, I thought I saw you in the Hospital Wing a few days ago," the Hufflepuff whose name he didn't know spoke up, pausing their writing and looking up to meet his eye as they spoke. 

Remus froze in place, his muscles rigid, as he tried to play it off. "How'd you know 'bout that?" he asked in a voice he hoped was casual.

"I'm helping Madam Pomphrey out, I'm planning on becoming a healer so she's letting me intern there."

"Oh, that's cool. By the way," Remus continued, still wary but concluding that if they were both studying to heal people and friends with Lily, they had to be good, right? "What's your name? I don't think we've met before."

"Right, maybe not. I'm Rowan Harkness, I'm one of Nora's friends," they introduced themselves, smiling kindly toward the, hopefully unbeknownst to them, lycanthrope.

"Only a friend of Nora's? And here I was, thinking you were my friend!" Lily halfheartedly accused, attempting to stifle the small smile on her freckled face.