old me

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i saw the picture of 5 year old me hanging on my bedroom wall. i see it everyday. but today i looked at it and i cried.
suddenly i'm 5 again– wanting to grow up so fast just so i could do all the things teenagers do.
and then i'm 11– getting a perfect grade in every subject and hoping high school me does the same.
then i'm 15 and i mess up. i no longer am the happy, carefree kid i used to be. i'm scared to take up space, scared of standing up for myself, scared of letting people down.
i'm constantly living on the edge and waiting for the next bad thing to happen. it's as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders. it's not, it just feels like it.
and i hope it goes away. i'm 16, 17, 18. it never does.

***
hi hi!

if there are any specific prompts you'd like to see me write on, feel free to drop them in the comments.

thank you so so much for reading.

with love, c

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