Mr. Way

She's at War With Herself

Once there was a girl. She fucked up things a lot. She only wanted to help. She was weird. She actually thought about staring out her window, at her neighbors and take notes on being normal. Yea her life was great. She had these awesome friends and this awesome Dad that she's been looking for years... but there was something wrong to her.. it was her. It was herself. She hated it, she hated herself. She fucked up so much and she was so sad and pissed at herself so much that when she didn't fuck up something for 5 seconds she felt like she had to hate herself. Her mind has been use to this madness for quite some time, and she didn't know to handle it. Or if she could even handle it any longer. She tried to help everyone she could. But somethings just seemed to make it worse. She's fucked up. This girls name... is Twiggs.
One day, twiggs thought to herself. Thinking about her life. Thinking it over and over like a broken record. She sometimes felt like she was being drowned in her thoughts. Drowned by a dark think liquid that she could never get herself out of. We she would think about writing her thoughts. It felt like hands we pulling her back. But that's not going to stop her now. She's gave up and hid for so damn long that she's done. It's time to face the facts and live with it.
Maybe the people I try to help and end up fucking it up cause they yell at me for caring about them and asking if they are okay... maybe they are the crazy people. Maybe they are the bitches cause they did that to someone who cared to help them up then they say "no one was ever there for me."

There she goes again. Drowning in her dark thoughts. The only way for them to xscape it to make a doorway.

She looks over at the blade on her dresser that her dad hasn't quite found yet. The sight of the object sickens her. She can't stand to be pushed down again.

Hell... she's at war with herself.

She closes her eyes and breaths. Her eyes shot open.
She sees what she seen before... in the world.. but in her world.. she seen different.

She seen how damaged she really was. She seen that life is like a hill. In order to get to the top.. you have to take up with the pain in your legs and lungs to get there.

She wasn't a mistake... She just made mistakes. And she's not alone.
There are more people like me out there!
She burst out in her head while jumping up.

She felt so relived.
She then seen something most people don't see.

mistakes... and not herself...

For once she seen the mistakes she made and not herself as the mistake.

People starve themselves cause they feel fat and worthless.
They feel like mistakes.

People cut cause they have a hard time. They feel like nothing to anyone and they want the pain to leave.
They feel like mistakes.

People hide from everyone else cause they feel like a monster, a weirdo. They feel weird to be put on this world.
They feel like mistakes.

She knew something they have never known. She seen beyond the dark clouds.

It's the mistakes you make that make you feel like a mistake.

Starving yourself, cutting yourself, hiding yourself... it's the mistakes you make that make you feel like this.

If you eat a cookie... you might find it to taste good.

If your draw on your arms. You might find your arms more useful than cutting in them.

If you come out and say hi... they might just say hi to you back... then you find yourself to be pretty happy.

Not giving a shit can be amazing sometimes.

She made those mistakes but maybe she wasn't the one who made them. Maybe it was the people that made her feel bad and the people who made her this insane person in her mind.

It was the people who made you want to be skinny.
It was the people who made you want to cut.
It was the people who made you want to hide.
They make you feel fucked up.

... but when you do these things.. it makes it worse..

Fucking fight!
Fucking fight for yourself!
Tell those motherfuckers you like your damn weight and you don't give a shit what they think or what they have to say!
Tell those motherfuckers that you won't cut yourself cause you dont give a single shit about them and care enough to harm yourself!
Tell those motherfuckers that you won't hide cause you are brave and you won't give up your future cause of them!

You'll find yourself feeling better than harming yourself.

She knew... that what she just did... was the best thing ever.

She wanted to help people feel good.
She wanted to help people have something else to focus on besides a blade.
She wanted to help people bring out themselves and say what ever they wanted.

So she made fanfics.
She wrote story's.
She made it her job to help people!
And that's just she's going to do.
Cause.. she use to be in that position. She use to be stuck. And she still is. She doesn't fight it. She doesn't think about it. She focuses of something else and it goes away.

She focuses on the ones she loves, cares for, is there for, her kind of people.

Everyone makes mistakes...
But no one is a mistake...
-Twiggs

Please read the A/N

Hey guys! I really need to write this cause I love you all. I could go on and on about how much you guys mean to me but really guys... don't harm yourself. Find something that makes you feel good. Something you can be proud about. You might not be the best at it but at you have something to be proud about. Cause everything bad that you do is nothing to be proud about.
You don't deserve it.
If your parents treat you like crap then they deserve to get what you're doing to yourself!
The people that make you feel bad deserves it.. not you...
Please don't hurt yourself guys.. just please it would brake my heart to hear that you did.
I love you guys
And I love when you guys leave comments cause you can say what ever floats your boat.
I love you guys...
Hugs..

Twiggs