the nut and the wrench

intro:

what am i living for?

i ask myself that question every day. i guess i know. i'm living for silly things. living for my cat. living for simple pleasures. for pretty clothes, good music, good food. but what am i really pursuing in my life? absolutely nothing. i wish i could just live life to do fun things that make me happy. that would be enough for me.

but unfortunately, that's not my reality. queue the chaotic parent-child interaction...now!

"girl, what are you doing? how many times have i asked you to get out of the bed tanya? are you trying me?"

so this is my mom. the type of woman to wake you up every morning with something bothering her about you. she's very passionate about her beliefs against sleeping in. VERY passionate.

"mom, it's fine. why would i wake up early on a weekend? i literally have nothing to do" i groaned, voice muffled underneath the huge pillow shrouding my face from the light of my unblinded window. i try to fight her arguments by falling back asleep, but i'm soon interrupted by her grabbing the pillow off of my face. "tanya brown, if you don't get out of this bed in the next 10 seconds, i'm pouring water on you. do NOT make me count." she was using the scary voice. i do not mess with the scary voice. i shimmied myself out of the tangled mess of covers i was in. "very good. get dressed," my mom ordered while swiftly clacking out of the door in skinny heels. i guess she's going somewhere.

after a sluggish struggle to get ready for what my empty day had to offer, i mad my way right back to my bed. already awake, i started fiddling with an old bottle cap i recently bought from a stoop sale. at that moment, i decided that i would go old bottle shopping, an avid hobby of mine at the moment. i threw on some clothes and made my way out to the goodwill.

man, i wish i had a bike.

slipping my old headphones over my ears, i put on a random jazz playlist. following that, i check off "jazz playlist" from my list of 'playlists to listen to'. i really love lists. i could make lists for everything. i love bulleting things, checking things off, crossing things out. maybe that's weird of me. hoping that i can make this grueling walk a bt longer, i pick up my pace. my shiny mary janes click at each swift step i take on the concrete, and i begin to take in the sounds around me. i have a love for peaceful chaos. the sounds of the city are a perfect example of that. the cars driving past me, the countless conversations happening at every point on the street, the people playing music on their speakers tied to their bikes. it's honestly beautiful.

by the time i get to the goodwill, i've lost all my interest in collecting the bottles. i really have to work on that. i can't keep acting like this, i'm about to be an adult... but anyways, i'm not one yet. just as i pull my phone out to see what zoe's doing today, i get a text from her.

zoe: party tn. i got an invite from this one private school girl i used to talk to. u coming with?

the excitement i got from that single text jolted through my body like i was getting electrocuted. man, i've missed going to parties. they make me absolutely giddy. my favorite distraction from all my problems is partying to my heart's content with friends. but for some reason, everyone's been out of it recently. i mean, you don't really see a lot of parties in the spring, i guess. other than spring break. i text her back with a smile creeping upon my face

me: of course wtf??? byob? when do i meet u? where?

a minute later, my phone pings again:

zoe: damn girl chill tf out lmao. i gotta get the address later but let's just meet up at 8 at my place. it's in manhattan so we can take the l

i liked the message and nearly skipped my ass back home. while i was taking my giddy ol' trek back home, i saw the most darling rock in a grass pit. next to the most darling rock i'd ever seen was probably the most darling boy i'd ever seen. he was a huge figure, with tanned skin and the longest hair i've ever seen on a guy. he bent down to pick up the rock i'd set my sights on, and my competitive spirit kicked in. i ran up to him before he could walk off with it.