Alex & Imogen

chapter II

17th december sunday:

Today I turned 15. It was really a super nice day. There were lots of people, friends, family etc. who came. There was really nice food, super nice presents, a huge nice cake and damn nice decorations like you couldn't wish for a better birthday party, could you?And next week another party, but I'm not allowed to say anything about it yet.

Many people at the party asked if I already had a boyfriend for the record I don't. I'm not busy with boys is that normal?I told them I didn't "yet" I'm just afraid that they will laugh at me because all my friends are all busy with boys and having boyfriends etc. and the rest that asked were already busy with that for a long time at my age so is that normal or not yes it must be human that differs from person to person?

I'm going shopping tomorrow with my best friend because she wants to, and otherwise I'd rather be in my room gaming with my online friends and playing Minecraft or Roblox like every night etc. Everything for my friends I guess. I actually have mostly boys as friends and also a few girls as friends, but that feels different, is it just me or is that just normal that with the boys I feel more myself and with those girls who are so super girly etc. I feel when they talk about clothes, make up etc. I hardly feel good about that and just feel weird, but I do like them, but not when they talk about that? I guess it's normal, right? It must be.

Anyway my second cousin of 17 also suddenly came out of the closet today she was suddenly making out with a girl was supposedly her best friend but has been her girlfriend for 8 months honestly didn't see it coming, but I do support her all of a sudden my 6-year-old nephew ewww look they do kiss kiss kiss, but he's not homophobic as far as I know, but he always does that when he sees someone kissing he thinks it's very dirty, but I was like that when I was 6, so it makes sense and yes she is bi for you that don't know what it is bi is which is that you fall for multiple genders including your own.

when the son of my grandfather's brother heard that he was happy that he wasn't the only one he is pansexual he is single, but somehow he wasn't allowed to come I was really sorry but let's just say that our family is not super supportive my parents etc. are. Or at least I think they are, otherwise they can lie very well.

I do have confidence in my parents for once. I think they probably are like we do not support it super hard, but we are also not against it or just do not care.

I do support it, but nobody needs to know that except for queer people and now my cousin was scolded and sent away but when I asked if she could stay she was allowed to, so it became fun actually. I'm glad she could stay.

I'm really ashamed that my family or at least most of them are homophobes that really sucks because I support it really hard, and I've been thinking like that for a long time but now that Zoë (my cousin) has come out of the closet I think about it more and more, and I really want to do something about it.

The rest of my family is really nice, it's just the homophobic people that o don't really like is that weird and should I just listen to my family I really don't know can I stand up for that but what if my family start to hate me then maybe they never want to see me again then suddenly I don't have a family anymore or how should I see that or if my parents get angry then too and then throw me out just because I stand up for love and love is a beautiful thing aaaaahhh.

Okay calm down I'm overthinking again it's not that big of a deal I just need to make sure that nobody knows what I think about all of this

But I really don't understand some people, sometimes the world and everyone on it are really complicated or is that just me again maybe I overthink too much but about this I'm actually confident that I'm right. I should just sleep, and then it will be over, or at least that's what I hope... What time is it even? Oh, shit! Is it that late already tomorrow it's Monday fuck I have to be awake within 4 hours okay bye I'll write more tomorrow....