Smile Please

Hope

Tom woke up and stretched, turning over slowly in the rumpled bed.  Another rough night and he felt like death warmed up.  It had been weeks since Lizzie had left and he had barely left the house.  Barely done anything to be honest, except work, and he only did that because other people relied on him.  If it were up to him, he would hide under the quilt and never come out again.

He was a disaster.  Without Lizzie he was lost.  She had come to mean so much to him so quickly and then when she had proposed that day he was beyond overjoyed. It has been the worst day of his entire life bar none when she left. He'd wanted to die, the pain to end. Only Bobby had kept him going through those first few agonising days. He loved her so very much. Even now, wherever she was, he only wanted her to be safe and be happy.  He wanted her back of course, but above all he wanted her to be happy.  

Looking at his phone he saw a missed call, for a split second he prayed it was Lizzie then reality hit him across the face.  It was Peter.  Peter had called him every day since she'd left.  He'd come in to find Tom in a state in the kitchen and basically looked after him ever since. Coming down when he could, phoning when he couldn't. Tom couldn't face telling his family what a mess he had made and fortunately they lived far enough away that he could avoid them for the meantime.  Telling them the truth would be admitting defeat.  

"Peter" he called him back, still lying in bed. "I'm ok, sorry just slept in a bit this morning. No, no work today. Yeah, I will try man, I promise. I'm just not that hungry these days. You know what I mean..." he trailed off as Peter's voice floated down the line to him reminding him to eat and to do all the things normal people took for granted.  Normal.  Would he ever feel normal again?  

His days were consumed by searching for her as he looked out the windows across the park.  His nights consumed by nightmares.  Sometimes they were dark, menacing and frightening.  Other times they were out and out horrific. He would wake in the night shaking and sweating and crying out for her.  The bed was always cold and his arms always empty. All had one thing in common.  He failed her. 

The one thing he held onto through it all, keeping him sane, was the hope she would come back.  The prayer every night that she would find it in her heart to forgive him and give him another chance.  To prove to her he was the man she needed him to be, the man she truly deserved.  Slowly, the pain subsided and was replaced by an ache.  Gone was the visceral tearing at his insides, now it was more like a constant tugging on his heart.  

It must have been mid June when Peter came down to visit.  He took one look at Tom and swore inwardly.  Naturally slim anyway, he now looked like an x-ray with clothes on.  Pale, gaunt and shadows under his eyes.  He had quite obviously been lying to Peter about looking after himself.  He needed to have a serious word - with BOTH of them.  It started now.

"Tom" he hugged him as he came into the hall, feeling his bones through the blue jumper. "You're skin and bone man!  Can't leave you alone for a minute can i?" he released his grip and walked into the sitting room, Bobby charging through from the kitchen to meet him. "Hiya pal!" he bent down and ruffled the little dog's head. "Your Dad's not doing so well is he?" Bobby instinctively looked at Tom then trotted over and sat at his feet. Peter was relieved to see him, but saddened that the happiest living thing in the house had four legs and a tail.

"Have - have you heard from her?" Tom came and sat in a chair, not relaxed, just on the edge. Metaphorically and physically. He always asked and Peter always gave the same reply.  "Yes, she's fine, not happy but fine. And no, she doesn't want to see you.  Not yet."

It was a ritual they had come to do automatically and today was no different.  Or was it?  Peter sighed.  Enough was enough. If Tom was going to convince Lizzie to come back, this - he looked round the room and took in the neglect - wasn't the way to do it. He took a breath.

"Tom, mate, you know I love you man - you've become like the brother I never had.  So as your brother, I have something to say and believe me it comes from a good place. Ok?" he sat forward and looked at Tom intently. "you're a disaster mate.  Look at you - how much weight have you lost?  You're not eating, you're not sleeping properly and when in God's name did you actually tidy this place up last?  If she was to walk in now, do you REALLY think she'd stay?  She'd take one look and walk right back out.  You want her back?"  he paused, waiting for Tom to speak.

"yes, yes of course I do, you know that" Tom sounded shocked he'd even asked. 

"Well bloody well act like it!  Take charge, sort it out.  Have you had any hassle ?  Any threats? No?  Then good, let's get cracking.  Now,  right this minute.  And Tom?"

"Peter?" 

"You need to put your thinking cap on.  Is there anywhere, anything special to the two of you? Can you think of anything she might be persuaded to do that meant something to both of you? If there is, maybe just maybe I can convince her to do it. Somewhere neutral you can reconnect.  She loves you man, she really does, I've told you that how many times now?  She never stopped.  All this mess was simply BECAUSE she loves you. She just needs to believe you are stronger together."  

As Tom sat and listened, something clicked in his head.  He could do this.  He could get her back. Somewhere for them to reconnect?  Somewhere special, an oasis for them... a germ of an idea started to grow.  "Peter, you are a bloody genius" he stood up.  "A BLOODY GENIUS!" he hugged him and then stepped back, new purpose in his mind "But first, I could kill for a cheeseburger - you're paying!" the two men laughed and grabbed their coats.

As they descended the steps outside Tom's house, Peter smiled to himself.  One down, one to go.