Smile Please

Fear

Lizzie sat in the living room sipping her tea. Luke had made them all a drink, she was quickly coming to realise just how invaluable he was to Tom.  Now he was on the phone, dealing with the inevitable press enquiries with the ease acquired over many years fielding questions about Tom's private life.  Yes, she was his girlfriend and yes, her name was Lizzie.  No, he wasn't going to make any further comment other than to say they were very happy. He played them at their own game with the parting shot that each would be the first to know if there was more to tell.  When the phone finally stopped for more than five minutes, he sank into a nearby chair and rubbed his eyes, sighing.

"You two don't make my life easy do you?" he looked at them and smiled "but that's what i get paid the megabucks for isn't it?  Oh wait... I don't get paid megabucks! Tom! why don't I get paid megabucks?" he laughed as a cushion sailed throught the air and hit him square on the head.

"You saw that Lizzie! Abuse.  All I ever get ABUSE!"  he laughed and picked up his own mug sipping the contents and grimacing "Eww cold.  Another thing I get . Cold tea" he put it back down as the phone rang again.  "Here we go again..."

"Luke Windsor speaking..." he wandered into the hall and through to Tom's office, shutting the door behind him.

She hadn't been prepared for today at all.  She feared she never would be.  Looking across at Tom as he spoke animatedly to Peter, she realised that this was his world.  This was what he faced all the time.  How did he even begin to cope with that level of scrutiny? That level of intrusion?  She was no fool, she'd known there was no way she could fly under the radar, but it never crossed her mind that anyone would be that interested in her, that quickly.

Her overriding fear wasn't really for herself, although she had to be honest and say she did find it uncomfortable on a level she hadn't previously known, but for Tom.  Would she say or do something to shame him?  To make things awkward?  Would he become a laughing stock amongst his peers.  Going out with a nobody, not even a glamourous nobody at that.  Just an ordinary woman with an ordinary life and as she'd said before, extra ordinary luck.

She became aware they were looking at her expecting an answer.  She'd been so wrapped up in her thoughts she hadn't been paying any attention.

"Sorry, I was miles away" she admitted with a little blush to her cheeks.  Tom smiled and Peter rolled his eyes and sniggered.  Tom got up and came over to her, sitting next to her, holding her hand.

"I was saying that Peter and I both think you should stay here with me for a while.  I have a guest bedroom you can use and it would be more private now that they're on to you - to us. " Tom looked at her hopefully "Do you think you would want to do that?" 

"No, I don't." It was out her mouth before she even had time to really think it through. It was the right choice though, she knew that. Without warning, she pulled her hand away, got up and left the room, walking through to the kitchen.

Tom stared after her in horror and Peter's mouth fell open. They exchanged shocked looks and it was Peter who moved and spoke first.  He motioned for Tom to stay where he was and followed her quickly. Tom sat, head in hands wondering where he had gone wrong.

"You can't be serious?" Peter rounded on her in the kitchen. "You want to go home?  You're getting the offer you would have sold your soul for a few days ago and now you want to go cut and run?  Risk that - that - circus every time you move? Every time you want to see each other it will have to be like a military operation.  You need time to get to know each other in peace.  I'm not daft Lizzie, I can see for myself where this is going with you two, Tom wouldn't have done all this, RISKED all this just for a holiday romance. " he crossed the room, standing beside her.

"No, I'm not going to risk all that circus as you put it, I'm leaving.  You and me.  Going home. End of." the words stuck in her throat, ,made her want to be sick but she couldn't see any other way.  She was scared. She turned and looked out the window.  Peter took a step back and leaned on the units beside her.

 "Lizzie, you need to talk to Tom.  You owe him, if not me, a proper explanation.  The man clearly loves you."

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry. "I know Peter, and I love him so much, more than I ever thought possible, but today has shown me what an idiot I have been. I allowed my heart, my stupid hopelessly romantic heart, to rule my head.  I'm not cut out for all this celebrity.  You saw me today, it's been what, four - five hours - and I've only now stopped shaking.  I'm useless at all this.  He'll grow to hate me for it and I can't have that. " she felt her heart break and her breath hitched. "I absolutely love him Peter but I can't do this to him. Better to leave now than later when he can't stand the sight of me.  This way we will always be friends. He'll find someone else, better suited to his life."

Silence. She waited for Peter to say something.

"But I don't want anyone else Darling, I want you." Tom's voice, low and warm slipped around her along with his arms.  Peter had gone and in his place Tom had stood  as she poured her heart out. "I know you're scared, I was at first too. Photographers, press, unending attention, it's all so overwhelming, I totally get that.  But you have me darling, to help you.  I will protect you as much as you want me to.  You're stronger than you realise, coming to the decision you just did, however horrible it was, shows that.  But together we can be even stronger.  I promise you, nothing will ever make me regret meeting you, loving you.  Nothing." he turned her around and kissed her, his arms forming a protective circle making her feel safe and secure again.

As he held her, stroking her hair and back gently, she began to relax.  Maybe he was right, maybe she was just being a coward. Could this work?  Could she get used to it?  She still wasn't sure but she owed it to him - to them - to try. 

"Ok" she said softly into his chest as he held her close.  "Ok Tom, for us, I'll try."

"That's all I ask darling, nothing else.  No pressure, just try." he pulled back and looked down at her.  She smiled weakly at him, her cheeks flushed.  "We better get you settled hadn't we?  You look like you need a little snooze"

"I'm shattered " she reluctantly admitted, "Can Peter stay - just for tonight?  I think I owe him that much for helping with all this."

"Of course love, anything you want.  Maybe he can go with you back to your place tomorrow and get some more clothes and stuff?  You'll be here for a while I think." Tom smiled and stroked her cheek. "I know you don't want to rush things and you moving in hasn't changed that I promise.  Everything - and I mean everything - at your pace my love." he kissed her forehead and released her from his grip.

"Now, before you sleep let's have a snack and a chat to Peter and Luke. We owe it to them to keep them in the picture, yes?"

"Yes"  she took a step or two then paused and turned, "Tom?"

"Mmm?" he pulled his head out the fridge where he'd been rummaging,

"I do love you, this wasn't because I don't - it was because I do."

"I know darling and I love you - it's all we need." he blew her a kiss and she walked away, the smile on her face not quite reaching her eyes for once.

Leaving Tom in the kitchen preparing their snack, she just hoped it would indeed be enough.  

She still wasn't sure.