invisible

four

Chapter four

before; seven days ago
September 8

Only the evident sound of drops of water resonates around the room. But in my ears, there is so much more to hear. The sound of my heavy-beating heart pounded its way to my ears, the thoughts in my head seem to scream and the light air escaping his lips feels as though its the wind during a stormy night.

This is the last day. The last day that I will be with this boy.
There's a tight feeling in my chest that only gets worse by the second. I feel that any minute, I could collapse from fear and guilt.

I shift on the bed and turn my body, facing him as he lays on his back. I place my arm over his chest and pull the sheets further towards my neck. His skin feels electric against mine, and once he holds my hand -the one thats placed near his heart- there's a sudden warm sensation that exhilarates me in a way I can never comprehend.

His head turns to me, his light brown shriveled hair that looks almost blonde moves to his eyes and he gives me a small dimpled lovely grin. Caspar plays with our hands, moving our fingers and tapping them.

This is the kind of moment when you don't say anything, the kind where you just enjoy each other because the moment is beyond words. And as the sun shines its way through the semi-opened blinds, and the rain stops pouring, it's as if though the moment couldn't get any better.

For a few more minutes, we stay like that. Enchanted by each others presence, holding hands and feeling each others skin.
I move Caspar's hair away from his eyes, now seeing his dark blue eyes that is looking directly at me with so much love and passion.

He moves, so now our bodies are facing each other, my hand still enveloped in his big ones. "Will you stay with me today?" He asks, his voice sounding lower than usual with a husk that could send shivers down my spine.

I nod my head as he pulls me closer to his bare chest. He kisses the top of my head and rubs my back for a few seconds. I place my arms around his neck, hugging him, squeezing our bodies together as close as possible as my left leg goes over him.

I can feel him chuckle, his warm breath tickles on my neck and the vibrations from his chest is felt on mine.

"I can't breathe anymore." He laughs. Before I let go, I squeeze him tighter for a second.
His smile goes wider, his dark blue eyes slightly becomes wider. "I love you and I will always remind you that." Caspar places one of his hands on my cheek, his other arm wrapped protectively around me.

"I love you too." I tell him. "Can we just stay in today?"

He nods lightly, "Sure. We could just stay in bed, cuddle, watch movies and kiss." He says in a teasing way.

I snuggle into him closer. "You're so mushy." I mumble against his shoulder.

He laughs again and holds me a bit tighter. "Well you're the one who fell in love with me."
And I did. I was the first one to fall in love with Caspar. Before I even met him, I was contented with the idea that I was already infatuated with him. It felt right for me at the time to be in love with Caspar.
Now, that infatuation and love is mixed with fear and regret, and it hurts to feel that way.

And as I look at him now, all I could think of is how my mother would tell me everything she's learned; Don't stay with those people who drag you down because there is no other way but forward.