invisible

five

Chapter five

before; six days ago
September 9

The chair feels too uncomfortable for me. Or maybe it's because there's too much people around me as well that it just feels uncomfortable.
I shift in my seat, my backpack safely secured on my chest thats held by my arms. I look to my side and I see the woman, who sat beside me for about twenty minutes now, slowly and carefully pick her luggage and coat up from the floor. Her black knee-high boots make a clanking sound as she walks towards the boarding entrance.

My attention turns to the chair I sit on again, as minutes pass by the more uncomfortable it gets. But I know if I stand up, someone's going to take it in an instant. So instead of complaining about it, I let myself sink lower into it.

It's not the chair I think to myself. It's not the airport as well, or the people that are inside it. I'm uncomfortable because I'm leaving, and that is the real reason why.

I shift in my seat again, this time I sit up straighter.
There's a vibration in my hand that comes from my phone. For about a minute or two, I ignore it but I soon contemplate that it might be important so I check it.

Caspar: Lili, Where are you?

It continues to vibrate as more text comes. And my heart continues to break further.

Caspar: Where are you????
Caspar: Please tell me none of what they say are true.
Caspar: Lilieth please!!!
Caspar: Please tell me that you're not going away.
Caspar: Where are you???????????
Caspar: Lilieth don't leave
Caspar: Please at least tell me why you left. What did I do???
Caspar: I'm so sorry if I hurt you.
Caspar: Please don't ignore me.
Caspar: I love you...

I close my phone and place it inside my bag. I close my eyes and slump on my seat as I take a breath.

There's a sinking feeling in my chest that makes it seem like everything is shaking and that ever. My head stars to feel dizzy and my hands start to feel cold and numb at the same time.
The sounds that resonates through my ears suddenly turns into blurred noise. My vision is clouded and unclear, like an unsure decision.

I turn my head to face the window that showcases the runways and the airplanes. The clouds that float in the sky looks like a dream that you only see once in your life. The sun looks harsh yet gentle but it seems to make me feel contented. The planes that take off and fly in the air looks majestic like a rare kind of bird.

For only a split moment, I forget where I am as I admire what's outside. But as I hear the lady in the speakers say that my flight is already boarding, I'm back to reality.
I stand up and sling my backpack over my shoulder, dusting off the dirt on my pants as I walk towards the entrance.
The lady takes my ticket and soon after, gives it back to me.

As I'm about to enter, there's a vibration again from my phone as well as an itching feeling to check it.
I finally give in to that feeling and see Caspar's messages again.

Caspar: I love you so so so much. Why did you just leave?
Caspar: Lilieth please...

This time, I switch my phone off and walk towards the plane.
As I sit on my designated place and watch as the ground grows farther, the thought that I am really turning away is evident.

I am leaving, not just New York but everything else that's in it. I am turning away from my old life and I am walking away from the people I love.