Stupid, stupid, stupid me.
Why I can't I be free?
Be a fucking normal girl?
No depression, no anxiety.
Just a normal average girl,
Leave me alone,
I don't want to talk.
Let me sew my lips shut,
My soul shut,
Let me put my headphones on,
Let me just lay in the dark.
Let me be fucking useless,
I know that's what I am,
Why can't anyone see?
I'm talking the fucking truth.
I like the dark,
I like seeing my blood pour down my wrist,
I like feeling fire on my skin,
I like tearing my heart open and breaking my soul.
All I want to do is run away,
Give me the truth,
And I'll leave you be,
Searching for truth is hard to do,
When all you can think about is the blades back home.
That's where I like it,
That's where it's dark,
Where I can be my darkest.
I couldn't feel my heart, just a few days ago,
Right now it's all I can feel.
I can feel it beating,
I can feel it shaking as my body shakes with sobs,
As I fall to the ground.
I slowly fade,
I've taken control,
I won't eat,
I won't speak.
If I get punished,
Then so be it.
This is how it was meant to be.
I just hope someone will see,
So I don't have to tell them.
They are blinded by right and wrong,
Black and white,
I'm still in the grey.
I laugh in silence,
At their faces,
When they see the real me,
Riddled with scars,
Whiter than snow,
And my new ones,
Redder than roses,
As dark as crimson,
Some still bleeding,
Cracked from my 'laughing'.
Finally they see the real me.
