Clouded Minds

Chapter 5: Picnicking

As Takagi walked by Nishikata towards the park, lunch bag in one hand and picnic blanket in the other, she felt quite frustrated with herself. When she had once told Nishikata that her other weakness was him (not her ticklish armpits), she had meant it literally. It was practically impossible for her to resist teasing the poor boy, for his reactions drew her back again and again for more.

But teasing was only part of the weakness. Sure, while it was a fun way to get closer to him, she secretly wanted many of the things she teased about. She wanted to be more than friends with him. And as Takagi grew older, she wanted it more every day.

And it was starting to drive her to do things she regretted, like her horrible misreading of Nishikata's feelings and subsequently scaring him off. Takagi was lucky enough to have not lost him as a friend; he had even come to support Mano and Nakai with her today!

And yet, as lucky as she was, from literally the very first word Takagi had said to Nishikata this morning, she couldn't resist jumping back into old habits and teasing him about romantic things. She had now learned the hard way that he definitely didn't feel that way, not yet. And he might never feel that way if she kept thrusting herself at him, teasing undertones present or not.

Takagi realized too late that she was going too far. She probably shouldn't have provoked him with the silly things her mom had said either, but trying to make him tickle her?! At the very beginning of the first time they meet up after that disastrous one, trying to get him to touch her?

In that moment, Takagi had almost slapped herself. She couldn't do these things anymore, not if she wanted Nishikata around her. She couldn't pressure him. He wasn't interested in nor ready for that. Maybe in high school he would warm up to seeing her as more than a friend, but until then, she just had to pull it back to keep him as one.

But holding back was almost painfully difficult, and she was really feeling it on this walk. Takagi had tried to rectify her initial teasing by siding with Nishikata, by supporting his view that the two of them weren't on a date. That on its own wasn't easy. But now, seeing Houjou and Hamaguchi growing closer, both of them fully aware of and engaged in their date, made her clench her fists together. She hadn't anticipated how hard it was to see another couple growing in a way that they couldn't.

Takagi glanced over at Nishikata who, despite looking frustrated or embarrassed, was her embodiment of cuteness. She saw him bite his lip for a second and quickly scratch an itch on his back, probably still mulling over something that she had done to embarrass him.

And she knew that, despite her weakness, despite her jealousy, she could wait for him. He was worth it.

Hamaguchi had started saying something about the park being closed, but Takagi wasn't really listening. She hadn't stopped looking at her crush, trying to convince herself that she would not repeat her mistake. She would not push him away.

It was then that she caught Houjou's reply.

"I passed this way bigger park on the way here that we can eat at instead, it's pretty close to here."

They were still in Takagi's neighborhood; she knew the lay of the land better than anyone else. She knew exactly which 'bigger park' Houjou was talking about.

Her heart lept into her throat, and Takagi stood there, like a deer frozen in a car's headlights. She had been pulling off her nonchalance of Nishikata's rejection of her pretty well, in her opinion. But it was still terribly raw and sensitive. Going back to where it had happened so soon, and with him? She could feel her teeth beginning to chatter relentlessly, completely in opposition to the autumn heat.