Clouded Minds

Chapter 8: Hiking

Takagi combed her fingers through her long hair nervously as the old bus made a turn inland, causing the view of the sea to disappear. This new road was bumpier than the main one that traced the island's perimeter and as a result, something began rattling quietly towards the back of the big vehicle.

The day had finally come. She was about to start her 'date' with Nishikata, and under normal circumstances, that would be wonderful. But Takagi knew exactly why they were getting together today and what it meant.

Nishikata had originally suggested going on that same hike that she had joined Mano on just before school had started a few months back. While the suggestion gave her a short burst of elation, she was now used to reality and ended it without a second thought. Takagi couldn't try to force that hike's legend true upon her and Nishikata in their current state, even if she wanted to—risking something like that was sure to cause her bad luck or even backfire.

So instead, she brought up a different hike that her dad had talked about doing with his friends. The center of their island had a series of waterfalls that were a popular tourist attraction in the summer months, though she had only ever seen them from a distance. Takagi hadn't seen any tourists for a while, not in the beginnings of winter, but it was at least warm for the season so she had only brought a light, pink sweater.

The bus hit a rock and jostled its passengers around, and Takagi had to grab her backpack to keep it from sliding off her lap. She knew that she should be happy to spend time with Nishikata, as him asking her to do things was a big step. But even months later, it was still so hard to be around him while knowing that her feelings weren't mutual. It was painful to observe all of the cute things he did, come up with a tease, then choke it back down to avoid weirding him out. Even as they approached winter break, she still hadn't figured out how to act in just a friendly way around him, no more, no less.

The bus slowed, took another turn, then lurched ahead deeper into the forest-covered mountains of the island. While her phone's bars were quickly dropping to zero as they drove further from the nearest town, the GPS still showed that she was getting close to their meetup point, so she reached over to press the bus's nearest 'stop' button. She had never been on this hike and didn't know much about it other than the praise her father gave it, but Nishikata had cutely grown very excited at the mention before trying to claw it back and act indifferent.

She quickly rehearsed in her head one last time how she needed to act today. Nishikata had just invited her here out of concern of her crying episode during the last week's school cultural festival, the one she had been unable to contain after the heart-wrenching day culminated with even more of her classmates confessing to one another and dangling what she wanted just out of reach. Not that he knew any of that. He was never supposed to see that, never supposed to get any idea of how much Takagi was hurting after such a similar festival.

But she knew how to explain her behavior now. She would act happy and talkative and energetic. If he asked about last week, and she knew she would, she would just attribute it to her sick-but-actually-not-so-sick grandma, which she had already mentioned over text. Forcing out lie after lie like this felt wrong, and it used to be so much easier to just tell Nishikata the truth (if not the full truth). But despite this, she felt happy to be with him for a day and do anything together. After all, the more Nishikata was around her, the more likely he might fall for her in high school without her forcing herself on him.

But the distant, dull pain of rejection and of not being able to act how she wanted right now still lingered whenever she saw him.

The hydraulics screeched as the bus came to a halt. Takagi took a deep breath and stood up, fastened the backpack straps around her waist, and hopped out.