the one that got away

♣

Did it ever occur to you that your deepest desires would manifest out of thin air and then disappear the same way all in a short period of time?

Crazy isn't it?

That's how it felt with her.

We went from strangers to something to strangers again.

And oh god it hurts.

It hurts so much and it wasn't even serious.

Why do the people that have such bad influence on you are the one you're hurt by the most when they leave your life?

Shouldn't you just feel relieved?

At peace?

Happy even?

God I just feel numb.

Numb and empty.

I fought so hard in my own way for her to enter my life and just like that all my efforts went in vain.

I guess its for the better

But oh man does it hurt like a bitch right now.

Does it pull at my heart strings and makes me suffer the worst types of pain ever known to human kind.

Does it punch me in the stomach and leaves me bleeding out.

She was so much to me...

She was the first sip of an expensive brand of wine, flavourful but kind of bitter, satisfying yet leaving you crave for more.

She was the cold breeze in winter, pushing your hair out of your face but reddening your nose due to the cold and making you rub your hands together in a meaningless attempt to keep yourself warm.

She was the heat that emits from the fire place, gracefully burning the soft fuzz off your face and slowly burning you after a while, forcing you to change your sitting position but never quite avert far away from it.

She was the dread you feel when you're close to the edge of your rooftop, so close to the end yet so far. The adrenaline addictive; A mixed rush of excitement and fear running through your bloodstream but you're unable to move.

She was the first kick of the alcohol that you had chosen for the night in hopes of getting drunk and confessing your feelings but the walls you've built up were just too high and too strong to demolish or get past them.

She was the first inhale of a freshly lit cigarette, made you want to keep inhaling her in and never exhale her out.

She was all that and a lot more

But for her I only was....

Just another sip.

Just a chill.

Just a simple warmth.

The remaining feeling of adrenaline when you walk away.

Just a molecule of alcohol in her bloodstream.

Just another inhale.

Same as the others.

Not that special.