Powerlessly Watching You Leave | Near x reader

I'll hold on to this feeling until...

quick author's notes:

the reader is gender neutral.

first time writing a "x reader", so please, be kind lmao

it's just to test the waters and see if i can actually write this type of stuff. it's not as emotional as i wanted it to be, so if you feel like "you" are overreacting, yeah, sorry about that, i was listening to "TV" by billie eilish while writing. it happens, my bad.

also, the writing is not top-tier cuz english is not my first language and past perfect is my enemy.

i feel like it should have a second part, but i'll see how this goes.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

the grass stains on those old shoes are completely gone.

"I'm done." You said, pressing the button.

You let yourself fall backwards, bending the back of the chair slightly downwards. You stretched, so that all your muscles and bones, which had gone numb from hours spent in front of the computer, sorting out reports, could function as they should.

You grabbed the small bottle of water but stopped before lifting it up. You shifted your gaze to the monitor, on which a large black capital "N" in ClerestorySSK font occupied the centre of a completely white background.

You looked confusedly at the screen, as if you could see the boy hiding behind it, and waited a few more seconds, still and motionless. The deafening silence in the room not only puzzled you, but sent a shiver down your spine, because it was unlike him to ignore you like that. Moreover, on a day like that, when you had finally decided to let him know how you felt about him, it was not a good sign at all.

The reason you had decided to take that decisive action was not out of hope or conviction that he would reciprocate your feelings. In fact, it was the last thing you expected him to do. It was more a matter of putting your mind at rest, of not carrying that regret with you in the days to come.

From a certain point of view, it was also the idea that words like that could 'comfort' him and perhaps make him realise that he had the potential to make anyone fall in love with him, so that the misunderstanding of many years before could also be resolved once and for all, because you had known him for a long time, but you had never been sure whether the explanation you had given him had been sufficient.

You had offered to help during the Kira case, without ever meeting him in person. It was Halle Bullook who had provided your contact, having observed you during your time at the academy. You were the youngest to have enrolled and it was only later that they discovered you were not the age you had indicated. Your falsification of documents, your mental abilities that had far surpassed those of many, even older people, and your ability to face any test with unprecedented ease had made you quite well-known within the agency, so much so that they offered you a job much earlier - eight years - than the typical age. However, your work within the walls of the CIA headquarters had been brief, as you were immediately stolen for the Kira case.

You had remained in contact with your superiors and had been requested to return when the US government decided to stop supporting the SPK, but you had refused, saying you wanted to continue the fight against Kira. And so, it had happened: you had remained at Near's side, who, at first, you thought was extremely cold towards you, despite the fact that you were an indispensable resource.

You had talked several hours a day, offered your suppositions, given your opinions and, of course, listened to his. However, in the first six months, when you had tried to take a slight break from work, because you also needed a little rest, it always had seemed rather inappropriate, because Near would not follow your shift enthusiastically. He had responded to your jokes monotonously, to your information about your everyday life impassively, adding nothing to continue that conversation, and, several times, when you had tried to have a virtual dinner with him, telling him that the doorbell had rung and that it must be pizza or whatever takeaway you had ordered, instead of staying to talk to you and keep you company, he had wished you a good dinner and left you to hang out with the dim lamplight in your little flat.