the alive

Terra

She saw it. Was obscured by the shady overhang of the eave. A horseshoe shape above the door. Hung like a prophet's humiliation through the ringed aurora borealis of her tenebrous eyes. And that prophet sat in her mind like a Mennonite upon the barricade of a desolate road in the realm of eschatology. That horseshoe shape that is the same shape as a jaw. Her prophetic jaw. More than likely, what was her jaw in particular.

Why would her jaw above this door?

Millar smiles at her. Millar. Who is Millar? Why did she have ravenous sex with this man? She doesn't really find him physically attractive. He chews his fingernails. His feet have never touched lotion. He closed his eyes instead of staring into her's. Like he couldn't bare to look into her face. Like he couldn't let her see his eyes. Like he was fibbing to her.

His chewy slurpy voice grates in her ears. It seems like he's attempting to talk. Sounds so osteal. The structure of his voice is like a collection of bones in a coffin. He hasn't practiced inflections enough to truly disguise the noise of his words. Unconvincing, now. Suspicious. He's hiding himself from her.

But maybe her change in character was entirely Judith's fault. Judith was there. Within. Directing the current of her river's flesh. But Judith wasn't in control. It was an essence of Judith but not Judith herself. Something besides Judith was persuading her. Something about him. Millar. The guy who has a jaw hanging from his humble door. Her jaw. How does she know it's her jaw? What if it is? He's not who he says he is. What is his power over her?

Sniffs the atmosphere of him. Notices her body react. Slicken. Arouse. His scent can penetrate her mind. His scent eases her worry and tickles her loins. His scent is like a magical subjugation, like he's wearing Grenouille's enfleurage to escape his own execution. Perhaps Millar's dangerous to her and everyone else because of this. But since Terra is now aware of the power he has, she can simply turn that part of her brain off. How does she do it? She doesn't know. It only matters that she does. This reminds her of the mire.

'I bet he hasn't anticipated everything that I can do. He thinks he knows me. He thinks I'm an open book. I am. But I'm an open book full of many words which he can't pronounce or understand and many allusions he's not familiar with. My entire existence isn't a foreshadow of this moment. But I suppose it could be. Yes. There's only interpretation. He thinks his is the truth. And he doesn't know the author's dead.'

Her curiosity becomes the discarded skin of a shedding snake. Realizes who Millar might be. Anger clothes itself in a calm countenance. Terra wants information now. Sits at his table and listens to him talk about Lord. Rist. Has a feeling she knows Lord better than she thinks. Been dreaming about her. About her blowing the head off of Janice's second in command, Pete. About making love under the first sunshine of her life by a concrete lake in the middle of the dark forest. But she killed Lord. Muerte decapitated her. And so, what are the possibilities? What exactly is Millar hiding?

"I killed her, you know. When I was a monster. The Leonard monster under the control of David."

She emphasizes the name "David." Can hear his blood flow and his sweat drip. Feels the vibration of his heart pump slightly faster. Witnesses that he is uncomfortable with the name "David." Terra can also smell the mint of a horrible shadow. A revenant. Now that Judith's essence has waned, he isn't a blur to her, nor is the shadow revenant lost in the mist of endorphins. She can almost read his mind through her heightened senses. He's afraid. He's unsure. And yet he's confident in a way that Terra has never felt. He has no reason to be. Millar is missing something within himself that most people have and the shadow is torturously filling in the gap.

"I wish that I hadn't killed her. She bowed down to me before she died. She gave up because she couldn't bring herself to kill me even as Muerte. It's like...I misjudged her from the start because I never liked Lord. She was too annoying and promiscuous, or I thought she was. I was told that she wasn't a good person. I think that I was mislead. I think Garret put it in my ear. But I listened to him. I listened to him because I loved him. That's on me."