Ranboo angst <3

Chapter 4: An old friend makes an appearance

Ranboo POV
Someone must have noticed my slightly shifted mood towards the end of the meal because after I finished I heard talking coming from the living room and then soon after someone came to check on me. I didn't like being babied at all, I know they were only trying to look out for me but at this point I was barely getting any time to myself.

Someone was almost always with me unless I was sleeping or going to the bathroom. It felt uncomfortable and a bit rude if I'm going to be honest. Tonight I was going to sneak out and go to the park to spend some time to myself, as I was feeling a bit more down than usual. I heard it was going to rain tonight and crying in the used to calm me down.

Once everyone went to bed, I waited about 2-3 hours to make sure everyone was asleep and then I put my raincoat on and left through the front door. Leaving through the front door was a stupid idea as I completely forgot about the motion activated cameras out front but since no one was awake to check the notification, it should be fine.

I felt the rain hit my coat with a thud and just as sudden as the rain, my emotions flooded down on me and I started to cry. It felt so relieving to be able to let out all my emotions in a place where no one could hear me. I was walking to a park that was just across the bridge, I had seen it on my way to the house when we moved in. As I was crossing the bridge I looked over the edge and couldn't help but want to end it right then and there. I mean it was the perfect time, everyone was asleep, the roads were quiet and no one would find me until tomorrow.

I ended up ignoring my thoughts and continuing to walk to the park. I will keep the idea in mind though for future just in case I lose my battle this time. Once I made it to the park I sat on one of the swings. I don't know how long o was sat there for but it must have been a while because it was getting light.

Shit, it was getting light. It's winter meaning it gets lighter later, everyone's alarms go off when it's still dark and I was still about a 30 minute walk from home. It had stopped raining by now so I brought out my phone and checked the time.

As I went to check the time, I saw the date and my heart froze. It was the 15th December, exactly one year from an unforgivable event that happened with an old friend of mine. It might come up later but for now I will try to forget about it. The time is 09:37, crap, everyone's alarms went off about 2 hours ago. They've definitely noticed I'm gone by now. I had left my phone on do not disturb so I hadn't been getting any notifications so I made the stupid decision of turning off do not disturb. The second I did so I got notifications upon notifications of people asking me where I was. I felt terrible but I literally lost track of time and had no way of knowing they were looking for me. I got up and started walking home and I was dreading walking through the door so I decided I would just climb up onto the balcony.

It took about half an hour but when I got back I climbed onto the balcony and weirdly the slide door was unlocked so I walked in. There was an immense amount of commotion downstairs so I decided I would take off my shoes and coat now so they would know I had been outside since last night. I went into my room and got changed into normal clothes instead of my soaking wet pyjamas.

I walked down knowing what my excuse would be. As soon as I was in view to a few people all eyes turned towards my direction.

Tubbo: "Oh my god, Ranboo, are you okay?!"

Ranboo: "Yeah I'm fine, what's wrong?"

Karl: "We've been looking for you for about an hour and a half now. Where have you been?"

Ranboo: "Sorry I went on a walk to get used to the area, I must have lost track of time?"

Tommy: "Did you not see all of our messages?"

Ranboo: "No I think my phone has been on do not disturb. I woke up before you guys and so I decided I would get some fresh air and get to know the area. There is a lovely park across the bridge, I saw it on my way here and so I went to it."

Everyone seemed relieved that I was okay, though I could tell a few were suspicious and their suspicions grew after I mentioned a bridge. Everyone went on with their day afterwards although we now had to text the group chat when leaving if we hadn't told someone in person.

It was Christmas soon and so a few of my deliveries were starting to arrive for the presents. Everytime something arrived I would immediately bring it to my room and wrap it, I wasn't risking anyone seeing what it was. I coming giving people present gives me so much more joy than opening them does. I love to see the look of happiness on peoples faces when they unwrap a gift, it warms my heart to another level.

Today I didn't have any deliveries but for some reason a package came for me. I opened it and it was a present from an old friend. My heart dropped when I realised which friend it was. I immediately dropped the package. My vision became blurry and distorted and my breathing became ragged and sharp. I was stood in the hallway by the front door so anyone that walked in would see me but my knees buckled and I dropped straight to the floor, unable to move. I was clearly not able to get enough oxygen because after a while my vision went black and I woke up in the hallway still but this time with some people trying to help me.

As soon as I could move I grabbed the package and ran as fast as I could out the door, it was so cold and I didn't have a coat but I didn't care. I ran to the bridge, deciding to open it there so I could destroy it if necessary. Once I got their I opened the box and inside was a book, one of my old diaries. Why did they have it? I opened it, forgetting which one it was, there was already a page bookmarked so I opened it onto that one. It was the 15th December 2021. Out of fear and panic I threw the book off the edge and into the deep water below. I was shaking and I couldn't tell whether it was from panic or the cold. I could feel warm water trickling down my face and only then did I realise how bad this looked. I was crying while stood at the railing of a bridge, and a tall one at that.

Just then I heard someone calling my name. I couldn't tell who it was so I looked in their direction. It was Wilbur, he was screaming my name obviously thinking I was going to do something. I stepped away from the rail in order to signify I want going to do anything. His screams calmed and his running slowed down after I did that. Once he got to me, we both walked back together. We had a conversation about the package. I knew he was going to ask me what was inside and why I panicked when I saw it. And guess, I was right.

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Date: 11/12/2022
Time: 22:41
Words: 1355