Hesitancy
-Eliana-
The drive back is quiet. I look over to Hoseok who seems to be lost in thought as he pulls into his driveway. He puts the car in park then sighs and turns off the ignition.
"Hoseok, you should have taken me back home." I murmur.
Hoseok turns to look at me. "Why would I do that?"
"Because I need time to think."
"About what?"
I pause for a moment and look down at my hands in my lap.
"About us."
He chuckles dryly then opens his door and steps out. The door shuts behind him and I'm left alone in the car feeling confused. I quickly get out and follow after him.
"Hoseok." I say a little more sternly, trying to get his attention.
He doesn't reply and instead begins to unlock the front door of his house.
"Hoseok, please just take me home." I plead.
Hoseok opens the door and steps inside without a word. I sigh and follow him in then shut the door behind me. Why is he acting this way?
He finally turns to look at me. "I'm not taking you home."
I frown at him and he seems slightly irritated with me. He stares at me for a moment and then shakes his head in disappointment.
"Why can't you just stay here with me?" He finally says.
"I just need to go home and think this over. I'm not sure if this is right for you... I'm not sure I'm right for you."
Hoseok scoffs. "And my opinion is insignificant in your decision about what's right for me?"
My eyes widen. "It's not like that."
"You don't care what I think. You've made up your mind and once I leave you at your house, you're gonna ignore me with the lame excuse that it's what's best for me."
He comes closer to me and takes my hands in his, searching my eyes as if he's waiting for me to deny it, but I say nothing.
"You didn't even tell me Jungkook had been telling you these things since the day that he came over."
I look at him nervously. "He wasn't.."
Hoseok let's go of my hands and takes a step back. "Don't lie to me. I remember the way you were acting that night and anytime I brought him up in conversation." He sighs as if he's disappointed with himself. "I just thought you were nervous to meet my friend. I never thought.."
"It's fine.." I whisper.
"It's not fine. I thought we agreed that you would ask me for help in any situation. This is one of those situations Ellie."
"I know, it's just, I've caused so many problems for you already."
"Problems?" He asks, eyebrows furrowed in disbelief.
"Yes, problems. All I do is bring chaos into your life. It's not fair to you. You should be with someone who-"
"Don't do that. Don't tell me to be with someone else. Don't tell me it's what's best for me. I'm sick of everyone trying to tell me what's best for me."
"I'm sorry.. I just think that maybe Jungkook..was right." I admit, my voice becoming smaller. I can no longer hold back my tears. They fall unbidden one after another. I avert my gaze from Hoseok, down to the floor.
He comes closer and gently takes my face in his hands. "Jungkook has no idea what he's talking about. You make me so happy Ellie. I don't regret any decisions I've made."
He wipes away my tears with his thumbs. "Please, don't give up on us so easily. I couldn't bare to lose you again."
Hoseok looks so hurt and desperate. I almost can't bare to look into his eyes. Our eyes remain locked for several long seconds.
"I'm not ruining your life?" I ask with a sniffle.
His look goes from one of concern to one of fondness. With his thumbs he once again wipes away the new tears that are falling down my cheeks.
"Of course not." He says softly, staring into my eyes lovingly.
"You promise?" I whisper.
Hoseok nods. "I promise." He whispers back.
I rest my head on his chest and his arms automatically wrap around me.
"I'm sorry." I murmur into his shirt then turn my face so that I can rest my cheek on his chest. His heart is beating rapidly, as if he's just ran a marathon.
Hoseok let's out a sigh relief and kisses the top of my hair. "You clueless girl. I wish you knew how much you mean to me." He says tightening his hold on me.
His heart gradually calms back down to a steady beat. I close my eyes and take a moment to listen intently. It's soothing, like a sweet and gentle melody.
"You mean a lot to me too." I say after a while. I look up at Hoseok who reluctantly let's go of me when I take a step back. "For a moment I let my insecurities get the better of me. I thought that leaving was the best thing I could do for you, but I shouldn't have been so impulsive. I shouldn't have given up so easily."
Hoseok sighs. "Things wouldn't be this way if I would've just been honest about my feelings from the very beginning. I was such an idiot back then." He says, looking remorseful. "But now that I have you back, I'm not gonna let you go so easily. I love you Eliana."
"I love you too." I reply and his lips quirk up into a half smile. I look down at my feet nervously. "I..uh.. Can I stay here with you?" I finally manage to say.
Hoseok's face lights up "Always." He replies before pulling me back into a tight but comforting embrace. I wrap my arms around his back, enjoying the way his scent envelops my senses. This is my favorite place to be and I won't be giving it up anytime soon.
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Author
Hey guys, I just wanted to apologize for not updating for a month. I know I don't have a set schedule or anything, but I often feel bad about the lack of updates.
I was really sick for a while, then I got better and then I got sick once again 🙄. Now I'm having another health problem that's probably not that serious, but it's super annoying and distracting.
I won't make any promises about keeping a schedule, but I'll try my best to work on the next chapter as soon as possible.
P.S.: I'll bring Jimin back soon lol I promise I haven't forgotten about him.
