Dead And Gone

Chapter One

I opened up my laptop, turned the video camera on, and proceeded to record my final goodbyes.

"Hi," I waved at the camera without looking up from my crossed, unshaved legs. "My name is Jennifer as most of you may know. And just if you're wondering, yes, I am Harry Styles' ex girlfriend. We've recently broke it off, but," I paused while desperately trying to regain my composure, "I'm going to spare you the details. You probably don't care anyway. And honestly, I don't know why everyone hates me. What have I ever done to you? What do you have against me?" Tears began to spill from my eyes and onto my mattress. "But you know what, it's okay. Because now, I think I hate me too. You've won. Mom, dad, if you see this; I love you both so much. And Hannah, I love you too. And don't you forget it, you're way more than you appear to be. I may not have known you for long but it's enough time to know that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Thanks, for being there while nobody else was. Niall, I hope you're happy. i wish you the best and nothing but." I sighed, "In the end, I did this to myself not anyone else. I was not forced, or paid if you want an explanation here it is; I am no longer worthy of living. I cannot handle this anymore, the unbearable pain that comes with everything that's going on at the moment. There was nothing you could have done to stop me. If anyone finds this, show it to my mum, dad, and Hannah. Again, I love you. i love the time which I was so kindly granted ti spend with you and I will cherish it until my last moments.But most of all," I looked up at the ceiling, "thank you God. I love you more than anything. You're shown me unconditional love throughout all my mistakes and all the times in which I've steered off the path that you chose for me at my own will. I'll be up there soon." I looked back at the camera, "Goodbye."

I shut off the webcam and just sat there for what seemed like eternity. I stumbled into the floor, not caring about the bruise which would later appear on my inflicted skin. I slumped over to my bathroom where I found a full bottle of Tylenol pills and a razor. I stood in front of the mirror, looked at my depressed, weak, and fragile state for a while. "You deserve this." I said to myself. "You deserve for millions and billions of girls to hate you. This is all your fault, you couldn't keep him satisfied so he went with another girl who could. You're a sad excuse for a human and everybody will just be ecstatic to hear that you committed suicide you fuck."

I raised the bottle of Tylenol, choking on the first three. I began to gag, almost as if my body refused to take in the pills that would determine my fate. I spit out the pills into the sink, their previously red color now pink. Before giving the action a second thought, I raised the blade to my veins located on my wrists. I slit them and watched as the blood trickled down my arm, dropping onto the floor once it reached my elbow. Within seconds there was a pool of blood close to my feet. I starred at it blankly, unaware that I was beginning to get drowsy, causing me to lose focus. 

The last thing that cam into my mind before I passed out was Harry and the few, simple words I muttered to him. 

"I can't do this without you, please come back. I love you."