Mind on pause

Blind

[DISCLAIMER: Descriptive scenes of erotic topics, neglect, torture, trauma responses.]

I'd fallen into the void of my thoughts, loud yet inaudible to anyone else creeping around. Was this what it felt like to commit sin? In all honesty... It didn't feel bad. I looked down at my body as my slender hands gripped the towel with unconscious anxiety,  shifting my cupped hands to hesitantly rest on the material that drained my skin of moisture. The towel slowly unclung from me and peeled off until it hit the floor, wrapping around my ankles and the cold air kissing my skin harshly. Almost choking on a gulp, I thought long and hard, closing my eyes and the sound of skin rubbing making me cringe. 

I was making myself do this, 

I wanted this. 

I wanted to know what the hell made me curious. What I was curious about and why it made my stomach tingle. Massaging my way into a deep breath before my hands made their way to my stomach. My mind did a perfect job communicating the memory of the males hands rubbing my body when I had been showered, the weight and size of his digital gripping and pulling at my frame. The way water worked like a waterfall over his fingers and trickled on my legs. The way his hair clung to my stomach as he cleaned my legs. How his eyes averted respectfully and habitually. My hands halted as they met my hip bones, my eyes opening and my body jumping up violently when I heard a gentle click as the door was released from its lock. My eyes widened and I bent to swiftly scoop up my towel. I turned with speed until my eyes met the wall that used to be behind me. My breath hitched and I bit my lip in regret as his voice echoed through my head again.

 "Wha- Y'er still in just your towel?" His voice came out in a chuckle, my face flushing deeply. 

"No need to comment on it! I- I don't know where the clothes are..." I grumbled with frustration as I lied unintentionally. My sins had been racking up the longer I lived under his roof, my heart getting used to the feeling of comfort. 

"Time for a truth, you used up yer lies already" He spoke with rasp, his left brow raised and a resting smirk on his perfect face. I kept my stare on the shadow playing on the wall as the sun shone, outlining his lumberjack-like body. I didn't want to lift my feet off the ground as I was afraid this would be one of those moments where something ridiculously clumsy would happen, Ronan's shadow still casting on the wall as he leaned on the door frame. My gaze moved as he did, the shadow soon going into nothing as the door was closed behind him. I turned my head, seeing Ronan walk to the table in his heavy jeans as he put my empty bowl in the sink since I left it prior to our shower house incident.  A sheet of red spread across his chest as if he sat in the sun and it only burned his chest; The red looked more like a reaction that wasn't external as if he'd been running and taking very aggressive deep breaths. His expression seemed less crabby, his attitude calmer in a way. In the time that Ronan had been gone, he came back in the house carrying himself in a different manner and it made me think, as I always did. 

"You're in a good mood..." My comment on it sounded as if was disappointed about it, leading to my moving. I walked over to the dresser, pulling it open and proving I did indeed lie earlier about not having clothing. I paused in my tracks and Ronan indeed laughed, reacting to my thoughts as if I spoke them aloud. My teeth had grit in defeat as I pulled out a big shirt and slid it on before putting on the boxers, keeping the sight of my bum to myself for now. In no time I had turned and taken a bold step forward, Ronan glancing at me before starting his shift as if he were a janitor. He cleaned up after me and did so without complaining or giving expressions of irritation. 

"You said I lied twice... What's the second?" My voice came out in a whisper as I failed at an attempt to sound like it didn't bother me. He let off teasing chuckles as my question went unanswered for a while. I had planned to repeat myself but wasn't sure if I was able to ask with confidence, Like before, Ronan interrupting anyway. "You are a wolf indeed, whining and surprisingly eating like one." He paused before laughing and had his eyes glued on me with a stare that displayed he was ready to bolt. I stammered in disbelief and he laughed out loud again, flashing his shiny teeth at me. I sighed and stood there, baffled, the man that was so nice to me is on his way to an earned attitude. My heart stung as he continuously made fun of me and put me in emotionally boggling situations, confusing the part of my brain that controlled my responses. Even if I did respond to his bullying, I had nowhere to storm off to.