Chapter One

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[Disclaimer: Detailed, explaining sensitive topics]

My name is Johnathan.  Experiences exploring the world of sexualities and understanding the world of love is a foreign conversations to me. Growing up in a religious household of homophobic and abusive Christians, I was taught that God should be my only priority and that love with the same sex be forbidden.

Childhood was harsh as I was a very small-framed, vulnerable boy. I was weaker and less knowledgeable then the rest of the boys I grew up with. For eleven years of my dictated life, I had been a victim of sexual assault and intercourse by the priest of the church. I had been clueless at the time so I didn't have the thought to speak up. I didn't know what sex was. I didn't know what help was. I didn't know what rape was, but I knew that it was wrong and filled with agony, terrorizing my thoughts so bad it tore me from reality inevitably. 

Assault occurred for seven to fifteen painful years, abuse beginning after my capture on my sixteenth birthday. I was dehumanized and stripped of my will. 

I had then been sent to a Christian camp after a magazine was found under my bed with images of men posing erotically or engaging in different poses with other male models. When the camp doors shut behind me, it was almost immediate. I, Johnathan Walsh, understood what happened in this small town of Ireland for being gay or even suspected of committing gay acts with others. I was beaten, carved, burned, caged, and "contained" along with a few other boys. I never knew when the sun fell and the stars aligned, some not making it to freedom.

Being in chastity for 3 years can really mangle a person's insights on life, but I was lucky to have support. An unrelated brother, Mitchell Berglund, helped keep sanity familiar as he repeated the importance of hope. As I moved on to 18, the priest had been caught and sentenced; We boys were released, and his death followed shortly after his arrest. 

Following my escape from the town I've let myself roam free, letting my feet carry me to whatever Stops my path. Somewhere far away from the historical nightmares of the late "Father". 

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