MARRED

CHAPTER FOURTEEN - BROKEN TO REMEMBER

Amanah

"Drop the curtain, will you?"

"I can't." My reply to Sophie was clip, but I did not feel any remorse about it.

Sophie rolled her eyes as she came to the window.

When she looked at me, she panicked. "Amanah! You look a wreck! At least, come have a seat. Are you Okay?"

"I am ok Sophie. Just leave me alone for a moment, will you?" I asked as I chew on my finger nails. It was an old habit which I had put in deliberate efforts to abandon. Clearly, old habits really died hard.

Sophie opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it again. A pang of guilt hit me. It wasn't her fault that Ahmad was no where to be found on our Walimah. I took a deep breath and said;

"No actually Sophie, I am not Okay. Do I look Okay to you? How can a full grown man just go missing? He said he was on his way two hours ago. The guests are here and the ceremony has commenced. His contacts are not going through. How can you ask if I am Okay?"

"Relax Amanah. You know it is not in his habit to be late and not reach out to anyone. I am sure something happened."

I turned away from the window then and began to pace. "Do you not think that,that is the reason I am panicking? I saw him yesterday. He did not look good. What if ... what if he got into an accident? Or kidnapped or... changed his mind about marrying me? Couples often developed cold feet days to, or even the wedding day, right?"

"Amanah!" Sophie yelled, holding me by both shoulders and shaking me, as though to shake the senses into me. "Nothing is wrong with your husband, bi'ithniLlaah! And look at yourself! Ahmad is so crazy about you, and even if it weren't so obvious that he was, he isn't the type to develop cold feet easily. I am sure he just got a problem with his car and is trying to fix it. And... there isn't network for him to reach out and tell us about it or something."

Neither Sophie's words nor expression were convincing enough. She looked as scared as I felt. But I understood she was being the good sister she was meant to be.

Then I pulled away from her. "You do not understand Sophie. Today wouldn't have happened if I had just agreed to move in with him and not emphasized on a Walimah before moving in... My heart is unsettled. I feel something really huge has happened to him."

"Blame yourself one more time for this, and you will get a serious knock on the head. What is wrong with you? How can you even blame yourself for this?"

Sophie had her hand folded across her chest.

"The Amanah I know will be on her Salayya, making dua' for her husband's safe return and not beating herself up with guilt over what she has no control over."

Sophie had a point. Whatever the problem, dua' always had a way of fixing them. Without another word, I pulled off my hijab and went into the bathroom.

****

"How is he?" Came the first concerned voice from the library.

I had decided the most quiet place to pray in the house without distractions was the room adjoined to the library. It was the most abandoned room in Mom's house.

"Not good, I hear." Came the response.

It was Umm Ramlah and Umm Ahmad.

"Allah will return him back safely to us." Umm Ramlah assured.

"Yes, He will. He always does." Umm Ahmad replied, almost barely audible.

"More than Ahmad, I worry about you, Nafeesah. You must rest and be ready to embrace your son back."