Just don't give up on me

old and new memories

*Elodie*

"Max! Max!", Pierre ran into the Red Bull garage with me laughing.

The big Dutchman looked around the corner and immediately started laughing "So honestly? My jacket looked better.", he said addressing Pierre, then he turned to me "Not that you don't look good now, but dark blue is just more your color.", he winked at me.

"I don't know if I should take that as a compliment right now or not," I returned with a laugh, slumping against Pierre's shoulder.

"Definitely a compliment!" interjected Max.

His eyes widened. He had piercing blue eyes. Unlike Pierre's. Pierre had light blue eyes, which could definitely be piercing. But Max's were a little darker blue but so piercing that you had the feeling they were looking straight into your soul. And I lost myself in them for a moment.

"Thanks then.", I smirked "But I like dark blue.", I smiled and immediately turned to Pierre " But that doesn't mean I don't look incredible in your merch. And I have to admit that Pierre's merch is definitely more imaginative than Red Bull's. You clearly have some catching up to do."

Pierre wanted to say something in reply, but then spared himself the comment, instead grinning at the indignantly gasping Max and brushing a strand of hair out of my eyes "You look really great. Laughing suits you best.", he gently nudged my shoulder with his fist.

I noticed the look on Max's face as he watched us sympathetically. The smile on his lips grew as he noticed my gaze. An incredible warmth emanated from him, which attracted me, like moths to a flame. I wanted to capture it, the warmth and this moment, so I took my camera and first photographed a still laughing Pierre. He was used to being photographed by me. Then I looked questioningly at Max. He seemed to understand my question even without words and nodded. Then I caught his warm smile on a photo.

Pierre had gone with me to my hotel and was now lying next to me on the bed. Outside, the rain was still pattering against the window. We had been lying there for a long time, talking about old times. Especially about Anthoine. We had never done that since his death. I had always avoided these conversations and all the memories.

I had buried the memories deep inside me because they had hurt again every time, because I knew I would never have new memories with him again. They were just the old ones and I wanted to keep them to myself. Even though I had gotten more and more the feeling that they were fading.

But now with Pierre, they seemed closer than they had in a long time. It felt like my brother was here, laughing with us at the crap we had done back then. No one would ever be able to fill that void, but together it was more bearable. The void didn't feel like an endless emptiness, but more like a beautiful memory that left gratitude instead of pain. Gratitude that I had shared my life with him and gratitude that he was still somehow part of my life.

"I took pictures of Anthoine back then. So the weekend before his accident. I never looked at them. Do you think we can...".

Pierre didn't hesitate for a second and immediately picked up my laptop.

"I still have the photos on the memory card in the camera. I never had the heart to.", I pulled the camera towards me and took out the memory card, only to immediately slide it into the laptop.

"Sometimes I'm afraid to forget what he looked like," Pierre whispered, sitting back against the headboard of the bed.

"Me too.", I mumbled "I can barely remember his voice some days.", I admitted.

He nodded "It's been so long since I've heard him laugh.".

Gently he squeezed my hand as I clicked on the first photo. It was Anthoine in the garage, giving me the middle finger.