L'ERRORE DELLA MAFIA

CHAPTER 30

Im in the plane, going back to Chicago. When I finally sat in my seat, alone, without his driver with me, I cried.

It helps that its a closed cubicle sort of thing which saved me looks from people passing by.

Mr. De'Luca offered that I fly in their private jet, but I declined, I don't want to rely on them more than I already am so i just asked them to book me a regular plane ticket. I didn't know it was first class till I boarded.

I look around, settling into my seat. Dang this is nice. I've flown first class before but I think that was a different airline so I'd say this is nicer.

Messed up mental state.

His hurtful words repeat in my head making it throb. I feel a lump in my throat at the thought that I let him kiss me and all the other stuff.

I just can't imagine that someone I was intimate with thought of me like that.

Thats what I'm most afraid of. Being used for sex. I never really thought that I wanted to save myself for marriage but I always kept those things like intimate contact or touching for someone special, someone who I know loves me.

Now it seems like that barrier is broken. Like it doesn't matter anymore if I kiss or touch someone because it won't be special. I know that it doesn't make sense but in my head it kind of does.

When I hugged Marcello that day I shocked myself. I don't really hug guys, but I dont really know for sure either because Ive never had guy friends that im that close with. Or close friends in general.

I shrug to myself huffing. I hear a light knock on the little door.

"Ma'am would you like some champagne?" A flight attendant asks.

I stay silent thinking about it for a second.

you don't drink-

"Uh yea, just one won't hurt".

The pretty lady smiles, handing me a plastic flute that still looks fancy, with golden ish bubbly liquid in it.

I take a sip as she leaves. Its surprisingly sweet. I imagined it would be like, like one of those malts or something. But its nice.

After a while my eyes become droopy and decide to take a little nap.

ARABELLA'S DREAM

Its raining outside. My window is rattling making me scared.

I want my mommy. But she's not here. My Uncle said she was in a big grassy park with daddy. I wish I could go with them, but Im too young he said.

I go on my tippy toes to open the door slightly, maybe uncle Richy is up and he can help me not be so scared.

I walk down the steps looking around for anyone.

"What are you doing out of bed?" My auntie asks.

"I w-was scared, will you help m-me sleep?" I ask her making her scoff.

"You ungrateful brat didn't your dear uncle just put you to bed?" she slurs. I know that means that she drank the no no liquid. The bottles im not supposed to touch. I see her touching them alot though.

"I- im sacred aunt-ie" im not a brat. Im nice.

"Youre 5 youre old now, put yourself to bed!" she says really loudly making me jump and tears pool my eyes.

"C-can you walk me u-up its d-dark" I ask. She growls suddenly stomping towards and hits my cheek, making fall to the floor.

"oww" I cry out, sobbing holding my cheek.

"You're so fucking annoying I want to throw you out!" She screams hitting me again.

"S-stop i-it hurts ow" i cry trying to crawl away.

"Maam! What are you doing stop, stop!" The nice maid comes rushing to me, picking me up in her arms. I hide my face in her chest and cry. "She's shaking! What is wrong with you!" she says loudly  to my aunt.

"Not a word of this to my husband or youre fired! And cut off your daughters college fee he gives" auntie growls stomping away like a monster.

I cry into the maid who holds me tighter.

She's a monster.

END OF THE DREAM

I wake up with a jolt, sadness fills my chest as I look around and she's no where around.

She's not here.

I look at the time and only an hour is left to landing. I sigh sitting up. How did I sleep for 7 plus hours damn.

I look at the empty glass of champagne and shake my head.

Maybe you should go back to therapy.

Maybe I should.