The Years that the Locusts Have Eaten

Chapter 3

"Those are some very cool shoes," Jin remarked as Victoria danced around his reclining chair. Her shoes lit up with red and green flashes every time her feet hit the floor. Jin rooted in the pocket of his gray sweatpants. He pulled out a caramel candy and held it out to Victoria. Her dancing suddenly stopped as she grabbed the candy.

"You're my favorite cancer person," Victoria praised.

"Well, you're my favorite little person," Jin replied, reaching out to fluff her black curls. Victoria climbed up on Jin's lap and nestled her head in his chest. Caridad entered and scolded Victoria. "Leave the man alone, Vicki. He's in pain," she said, trying to hide a secret smile that threatened to erupt fully on her berry-colored lips.

"She's fine," Jin replied. "I enjoy her. She distracts me from the nausea."

"You really like kids, don't you?" Caridad asked Jin, who was bouncing his knees up and down, giving Victoria a horsey ride.

"I do," he confirmed. "It's just a shame that I'll never have my own," he lamented. "No one told me when I started chemo that I would lose the ability to have kids. I guess I was supposed to freeze some sperm, but I was never told."

"Oh, my gosh!" Caridad commiserated. "I wonder who dropped the ball on that one," she replied and blushed when Jin began laughing.

"Dropped the ball," he repeated as he continued to laugh.

"Well, you know what I meant," Caridad responded. As Jin laughed, he began to cough. As his coughing fit increased, Victoria got off his lap and stared at him with concern.

"Go grab a kidney dish," Caridad directed. The little girl returned with a pink basin shaped like a kidney. She immediately put it under Jin's chin without needing instructions.

"Spit," the child ordered. Jin allowed the mucus to come out as he spat it into the basin. "Hey, you got blood in there," Vicki said to him. Then turning to her mother, she repeated her words. "He isn't supposed to have blood, right?" she asked her mother.

"No, he's not," Caridad answered, avoiding giving more details that could further upset her daughter. When he had finished coughing, Caridad set the kidney dish aside and put her stethoscope in her ears. She listened to Jin's chest with deep concentration. "When your chemo bag gets empty, I'm going to have them wheel you over to the ER," she told Jin, sounding calmer than she felt.

"What's wrong with him?" Victoria asked, taking Jin's face in her hands and studying him carefully.

"He'll be okay," Caridad told her fretful daughter. "He's in the right place to get the best care he can have," she assured both Vicki and Jin.

Just then the Paw Patrol theme song came on the TV. Tyler sat up straighter. "This is my favorite show," he announced. Victoria looked unimpressed. "Tyler, I'm tired of Paw Patrol. I want to watch SpongeBob," she whined. She went to him and attempted to grab the remote from his hands.

"Caridad!" Tyler shrieked. "Vicki is trying to steal the remote!"

"Vicki!" Caridad scolded from several feet away. "Let Tyler have the remote. If you want to watch SpongeBob, you can see it on your tablet."

"But it's better on the big TV!" Victoria insisted. "Why does Tyler always get to pick the show just because he has cancer," she complained.

Caridad sighed and looked at Jin for moral support. "Are you sure you wanted to have kids?" she asked him dryly as she walked toward the feuding children.

"Vicki, I told you before that coming here is a privilege that could be taken if you cause trouble," Caridad warned.

"Yeah, Vicki!" Tyler taunted, vindicated in his rage against the tiny remote thief.

"This is dog water!" Victoria complained.

"You're dog water!" Tyler proclaimed as he grabbed one of Victoria's curls and yanked at it severely.

Caridad separated the two children. "Tyler, where's your mother?" she asked as she held Victoria at bay with a straightened arm to her chest.

"She went out for coffee," Tyler announced. Caridad frowned. Coffee, indeed! She knew that "coffee" was code for going to a local bar. She rarely sat with Tyler during his treatments. She seemed to think that the 4–5-hour treatment was her free time and thought nothing of leaving her son there to be watched by the nurses. But Caridad felt resentful over the mother's attitude as it left her to do the job of a babysitter and not a nurse. However, the fact remained that Vicki was the one who would have to back down. Tyler paid for treatments, and Vicki was only barely tolerated by the other staff members. But it was moments like these when Caridad feared they would revoke her privilege of having her there until she got off her shift.

"Stay away from him," Caridad ordered. "Now, I have work to do in the office, and I'd better not see you over here messing with Tyler anymore," she instructed. Tyler stuck his tongue out at Vicki in victory. She stuck hers out at him as well and then turned her back on him and stomped away.

Despite being confined to his chair with his IV bag, Jin intervened, calling Victoria to him and away from her TV rival. When she got to his chair, he patted his lap for her to sit down again. "Hey, do you want to see pictures of the band I was in?" he asked her. Victoria nodded and climbed onto his lap as he searched up pictures of BTS to show her. She took Jin's phone from his hands and scrolled through the pictures herself. She pointed to one of the members. "I like this one," she declared, pointing at a member with white hair who was making an annoyed face.

"That's Suga," Jin replied. "He's a great rapper and a terrific friend," he told her.

"He looks done," Victoria said. "Why does he have that face like he's just had it with everyone?" she asked.

"I mean, he's a really nice guy," Jin defended. "He just has depression. So, sometimes he can look a little sad or annoyed," he explained.

"Oh," Victoria replied, her pink mouth making a perfect little circle. "My mom has depression. My dad says that's why he's going to take me from her," she confided in Jin.

"I see," answered Jin. "And can he really do that?" he asked.

"Don't know," Vicki responded, shrugging her shoulders.

"Well, do you want to go with your dad?" Jin asked, looking around to make sure Caridad was still in the office.

"When I go with him, he doesn't take care of me. He just leaves me with abuelita. She's alright, except for the gin and the pack of cigarettes she smokes every day," Vicki replied just as Caridad came out of the office.

"Girl, you know, you don't have to tell everything you know," Caridad said dryly. "Some things should be kept to yourself," she advised. "Why don't you go find your coloring book and your crayons?" Caridad suggested. Victoria ran off to find her book.

"You would have made a natural father," Caridad told Jin as she unhooked the IV bag. "I'm going to leave your port in because they may want to keep you overnight. And this saves them having to restart an IV on you," she explained. Jin nodded, exhausted already at the thought of spending the night in a hospital bed.

"I wanted to be a father so much," he admitted. "Being in BTS kept me pretty busy. I never got time to start a real relationship. And now, I have time, but no one wants any of this, he said, motioning toward his thinning body.

"I imagine there are plenty of girls who would still like you, Jin," Caridad answered truthfully.

"Maybe, but they definitely wouldn't want a man who can't give them children," he lamented.

"You never know," Caridad speculated as she ran her hand over his shaved head.