Devon and Trevor (bxb)

13

Trevor was drained as they walked into the car. His body had not taken being so overwhelmed well. He felt lucky it hadn't gone too bad but the moment Kysha was gone, he'd found himself tucked into Devon's side again and feeling incredibly at peace. Butterflies aside, it was restful just being in his company. He could feel himself adjusting faster and asked politely about how hanging out with his sister went.

"Oh. It was... Certainly informative." His hands gripped the steering wheel and suddenly, Trevor felt anxiety peek in all over again.

"Was she against us? Or did she- did she get mad at me for not going into that store? I- I know I should've just sucked it up and gone in so she felt more comfortable but I couldn't. I'm so sorry about making things so awkward, she must have been grossed out by me."

"You are such an overthinker. I can be too, I guess so I get why but... Stop thinking all that. Wipe it all off. She wanted to apologise to you, actually, for being a dumbass trying to force you into something you obviously didn't want to do. I added a little flavour to that quote but she really did seem sorry. So I believe her. She's family, after all, she wouldn't... Wouldn't lie..." Devon's mind whirled a bit. He couldn't help but ask himself why his mother would lie since his sister was obviously telling the truth. She'd never been afraid to hide her homophobia before but to do this?

He kept wondering if things could have gone at all differently. Maybe if Kysha had apologised or lied that it wasn't anything like that or begged to stay or just gone for the fucking therapy- no. God, no, how can I even think that?! This isn't on her. Mom gave her the ultimatum. I know how blunt that woman can be... She meant it. Who knows how bad the conversion therapy could have been... She made the right choice but I just wonder... How am I gonna face mom when she comes back? Our family had already lost one person and then she throws out another one? Seriously?! Are y-

"Devon! Focus!" He blinked and swerved right back into their lane. Luckily, no one was around to create any risk. He wondered what would have happened if he'd been driving alone. He felt consumed by anger. So much that it was suffocating him, filling the air with sulphur and smoke. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't speak, he feared even looking at Trevor to try and convey how sorry he was for making him feel at all unsafe. He didn't want the boy knowing anything about this until he'd processed things in his head.

"What's wrong, Dev?"

He quietly shook his head in response. Trevor thought to push but remembered hurriedly that whatever was going on in his mind, it had sucked his friend in so badly that he'd entered the opposite lane. Still, he fretted about it on the inside, deciding the house would be the best place to try again.

"I wish we'd walked," Devon chuffed, trying to make casual conversation. "I could do with the air."

"Oh. Well... We could go on a walk together. When we get home. One of our famous walk-and-talks, we'll talk about anything you like?" Devon seemed to consider it for a moment before sharply shaking his head. He didn't want to deal with any talking. In truth, he wanted everything to be silent. His thoughts were getting too loud, too angry and gruesome, filled with the many grievances he had against his beloved family.

An irrational anger with his father for giving up like he himself wanted to, with his little sibling for being the most dear to their mother's heart no matter what he did, anger towards his older sister for the secrecy that had severed their bond. And anger at his mother. She often felt like the root of all his problems. He hated how much he blamed her for things, deep down. He hated that he now had one more thing to blame her for when the woman had provided for him all his life.

"Can I ask you something, T?"

"Of course! Anything!" Trevor raced to help with the groceries but Devon had carried them all by the time he got out of the car. So he hurried to open the door instead, joining him to set them down. Once it was over, with a small huff, Devon locked the car, came in and plopped on the couch.