Trust

Chapter 8

I am now nine years old.

Mommy went to the store to get some Parmesan cheese. That stuff is really yummy.

I told daddy I want some spaghetti, but he said I have to wait until mommy gets back.

I tried to get some spaghetti. Daddy told me if I try it again he will put his pee pee in me. Daddy's never done that before so I thought he was kidding.

I got some spaghetti. Daddy saw and he became angry. He picked me up and told me "I thought I told you had to wait until mommy got home."

I told daddy I was sorry, but he said I wasn't and that I was being bad. Bad girls get punished...

He took me to my room and had his way with me. It hurt really bad and it made my princess parts bleed. Why would daddy hurt me like that?

I don't what to be a bad girl ever again. I don't want daddy to hurt me..

*A year later at school*

My friend Haley told everyone my biggest secret, it made me cry. I told the teacher that Haley told the class my secret.

Mrs. Littlefield(My actual fifth grade teacher) asked me what secret? I told her. She started crying and told the principle. The principle called the police men.

This nice lady took me to the hospital to check my princess parts. There was another lady that made me put on a gown and lie down on a hard cold metal table.

I felt exposed.. She was checking to see if the abuse had actually happen and to see if I had any STD's.

The lady told me a ten year old should not have gone through what I have. She gave me a bear. (I still have it to this day.)
*Random talk*
It wasn't until later that I was told I would be scarred for life. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. Which I highly believe is true.

I've had many problems over the years. If it wasn't grades it was my attitude. If it wasn't my attitude it was my weight.

In seventh grade I was noticing that I looked at girls more than I should. I was brought up that it was disgusting and a sin.

I tried to ignore these feelings, but it became impossible. I started cutting in eighth grade. At first I didn't cut enough to bleed.

It wasn't until I had a big fight with my best friend that I started cutting where I would bleed a lot. I know it was my fault, but it still hurt to know I was losing my best friend over something so stupid.

If you're wondering what I did. I took her boyfriend from her. I have no clue why I did it. I told myself I was jealous of her having a boyfriend, but truly I was jealous that I wasn't the one she would hold hands with or kiss.

It took a few weeks for us to become friends again, but we weren't close like we used to be. I took two years to become as close as we were before all that shit happened.

I've liked my best friend since we were in seventh grade. She became curious in eighth grade and we experimented.(Kissing)

She was trying to push it away from herself also. It wasn't until the summer of our senior year that we got together. Everything was great until my mom started hearing "rumors".(October) I became terrified because I didn't want to lose my parents that I have now.

I had to make the rumor not true. So I broke up with her.. It broke my heart. I cried for weeks. Even though I got together with a guy so my mom would believe me.

I dated him for about almost a month. I didn't really like him that much. The one I really liked was Julie. I broke up with him and got back together with Julie that same day. We dated for two weeks.

I broke up with her because I though I loved her, but I didn't. I broke her heart once again. I got back together with guy. We dated for about two months. I broke up with him again because my real mom(Birth mother) didn't approve.

I then came up with this idea. It was horrible of me, but I felt like I had to. I pretended to be sad and heart broken. So me and the guy got back together.

That lasted for almost two months. I pretended to love him. (I feel terrible for doing that.) Me and him were playing a game. I asked him what day did we get together? He didn't know.

I asked him when is my birthday? He didn't know. I kept asking him questions and everyone of them he didn't know. I got tired of that shit and broke up with him, but it was a mutual feeling.

I told my best friend the truth of why I got back together with him twice. That the first time was just to make the rumor not true. The other two times were to make her jealous...

It worked. To this day she hates him. Even though she says she "got over it". I know I sound like a terrible friend for doing that to her.. I probably am.

Anyways, I think it was three months ago when I confessed it to her. I told her I loved her and she was just dumbfounded.

Then about a month and a half ago I asked her to be my girlfriend. She told me no because of many good reasons.

If you didn't know we were best friends, you would think we were an actual couple. We exchange the I love you's.

We hold hands, do almost everything together, cuddle, hold each other intimately, and just the other day we kissed for the first time in six months. I do love her very much and I think I will always love her. Even when and if it dissolves into just best friend love.
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Enjoy the chapter? I sure hope so because I had to ignore the said best friend to write this. Haha. Anyways, I'm graduating in just six short days. So I don't think I'll update until after graduation because I will be busy getting my tan on.
Until next time bebes.