The Psychopath's Journey

Here is The Psycho Begins.

People say, love can change someone into good guy or bad guy. Love,  can make someone's life more lively and happy. But I don't really understand what Love is exactly. It's the thing that never been introduce to me since I was little. I'm living a hell in the house I supposed to call home.  But sometimes... Nope. Many times. All the time... I wish I never live in that house. Or even to be born into this world.

I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. We are not very poor, either. But it's worse than a poor family. I shared a house with parents and my two siblings. Both are younger than me. A brother and a sister. My mom works as a waiter at the fast food restaurant, while my dad... I think he's a driver. That's what I saw. He's driving his pick up truck away from home every day. I don't really know what he does with his truck. But the point is my dad is not a good guy. He's violent and short temper. He's spending his time to drink a lot a lot of alcohol when he is at home. Other than that, he will go behind and firing his gun there. We don't like to see Dad doing that, or whatever he doing when he is home. We, their kids, often witnessing him and mom fighting. Literally fighting. Dad always sending mom his punch a few times whenever they're fighting. We don't like to see them fighting like that.

That's a small story about my background which makes me don't get it about love. I'll tell you everything, what I have been through, after I tell you, that now I've been introduced to a thing called love.

I was not a very good guy once. Maybe I was a bad one in people's perspective.  But they don't know what I have been through. Nobody loves me. Everyone hates me. Even my parents. To them I only a burden and a shame. I don't know how to love someone. And I don't even know how to love myself.  Nobody showed me. Nobody teached me. Until I met him. The person who changed me completely. He thought me about life, care, and of course, love.

And here my miserable life begun... A long way before I met him.

I was born in an unhappy family where everything is in a mess. I happened to be the eldest child in the family who got scolded a lot by my parents. But it has no different  to my younger siblings, too. They don't get enough attention and care from them. I tried to be a good older brother for them. But I was too young to understand the parenthood or even babysitting them. I was 10, then. My mum was too busy working in the restaurant from morning to evening to pay our expenses and bills. Sometimes, she sent them to the full day daycare or just let my dad to look after them when he is around which I know that he doesn't really care about them.

Like today. Mom is in her work place as usual when I came back from school. I came into the house and I found my little brother was playing on the floor in the messy living room and my little sister whom only 14 months old was crying. No one look after them. My father is not there to look after them.

"Bai, where's Dad?" I ask my brother.

Bai didn't say anything but he pointing his finger to the back door and I know where Dad is. I get up and approach my sister. I look for the facyfire and stuff it into her mouth to stop her from crying. She stops crying for a while, but then she cries again.  I don't give it a fuck. I just walk to the back and open the door when I hear the sound of gunshots. This sound which makes my sister doesn't want to stop crying.

I found Dad enjoying his shooting game to the milk tin he placed on a wood log. I froze when I see that he doesn't use his hunting gun for shooting, but a handgun  I don't know what model.

"Hey, Yi Bo! Come here!" He shouts and calls me when he realize that I'm present.

I don't move from my position. I only look at him. I'm afraid of him. Afraid of his insanity and violence. I'm afraid if he will beat me up again for no reason as he used to do.