His Saviour

Chapter 15

POV Titus

I could not continue to eat. It was impossible. I really tried but my mind was stopping me.

You don't deserve to eat on a daily basis

Be grateful if I feed you twice a week

I should starve you until you die

I put my hands on my ears to stop the voices in my head. They were very bad at the moment and caused me more pain than I received over the years on my body. Physical pain was so much easier to endure.

I closed my eyes and tried to stop my thoughts from drifting too far away without success.

I stood up and sank to the floor, overwhelmed by the things I was told in my past. Almost immediately, which still felt like hours, Ana brought me back. Her arms were hugging me to her body which I used to hide my face. I was still on the floor while she stood in front of me, comforting me as much as she could at the moment. I hugged her legs to keep her in the same position. Tears were streaming down my face but I didn't care about them. I knew that Ana was my safe place, a place where I could be myself even if I was a crying mess.

"Please stop screaming. I promise that you are safe with me"

I didn't even notice that I was screaming until she told me. It wasn't normal for me to scream. I usually stayed quiet while hyperventilating, something I also learned while I lived there.

Ana continued to tell me that everything was alright and that I was safe. My breathing pattern was still uneven but it was getting better. My eyes were still closed and my body was trembling as I leaned against her legs.

Panic attacks always exhausted me to no end. They could be over after a few minutes but I still wanted to sleep after them. My mind was telling me not to do so because I was vulnerable while I was asleep.

"Come let's get you on the couch. There you can relax a bit while watching a movie or something, okay?"

I slowly opened my eyes and looked up to see her smiling at me, trying to reassure me. Nodding my head, she helped me up and led me to the living room where she sat down with me. I scooted over to the end of the couch and waited for her to join me.

She gave me the remote control and told me that she would be back in a few minutes. I patiently waited while I searched for a movie that interested me while she did something in the kitchen.

"I am back! You can start the movie."

I pressed the play button and put the remote control down, waiting for her to sit down next to me. She did so with a bowl in her hands. It seemed to be popcorn but I wasn't sure because I had never eaten it before. A part of me wanted to try it but the other part was unsure if I deserved it. On the other side, Ana was here with me even though I was pretty sure that I didn't deserve her. Popcorn was more inviting than other food that she wanted me to eat. Maybe it was because I was never forbidden to eat popcorn. I just never knew what it was until a few weeks back.

Ana leaned her head on my shoulder as 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone' started. Her body felt warm against mine which I enjoyed very much. The bowl was on her lap but as she saw me eyeing the popcorn, she moved it over so that it was sitting on my lap instead.

"Want some?"

I hesitated because my mind was still debating if I should try it. Giving in, I put one in my mouth and started to chew. To my surprise, I liked it a lot and it was much easier to eat than normal food. It was still hard but not as much as noodles or something.

"Do you like it?"

Her gaze was on me as she waited for an answer. Did I mention that I loved the color of her eyes? And her cute smile. Adorable!

"Kinda"

It was still weird to answer verbally but I felt free, something I hadn't felt in years. It helped my mental state a lot. She was the reason that I was alive and she was the one that showed me that it was worth living. Ana was the one that taught me that there were good people on this earth that loved you.

I started to concentrate on the movie while leaning my head on hers. Sometimes my hands started to grab a popcorn or two that I ate while watching the movie. My eyes were getting heavy, still tired due to the panic attack. I felt her hands on my face which made me open my eyes completely again. She held some popcorn in-between her fingers that she tried to feed me. I complied and took it from her hand, eating it half asleep. I knew that I couldn't keep my eyes open for more than a few seconds so I gave in, knowing that Ana would protect me from every evil thing out there. The last thing that I did while I was awake was to take her hand, stroking the palm of it with my thumb.

A/N

Hello guys :)

What do you say about the story so far ?

~E