His Saviour

Chapter 20

POV Titus

I woke up, crying from another nightmare. They always came back after some time, even though I slept next to Ana. She helped a lot but even her presence was sometimes not enough to protect me from them.

Tears were streaming down my face as I tried to calm down. I didn't want to wake her up because I couldn't stop crying. To avoid making too much noise, I stood up and went into the bathroom, closing the door and turning on the lights before sitting down on the floor so that I was able to lean back against the bathtub.

I couldn't stop thinking about them. I wanted to tell Ana about my past. I wanted her to know everything but I didn't want to be a burden. I knew that if I would start to tell her about my past, I wouldn't be able to stop until I told her everything. It would be like a breaking dam, spilling all of my secrets that I hid the whole time.

I tried to calm myself down somehow which wasn't as successful as I hoped. My heart was racing and I knew that a panic attack wasn't far away. I hugged my legs to my chest, rocking back and forth. My nails were digging into my palm, drawing blood due to the pressure I put on them. It helped. Pain always helped somehow. I pressed harder to cause deeper wounds and more pain. I focused on that and was able to overcome the panic attack before it even arrived completely. Needing more distraction, I thought of more ways to draw blood. A razor would be perfect.

Wait, she told me to stop, even begged me to do so. I can't just ignore that. But on the other side, the need was there.

My thoughts were overwhelming me, causing me to pull my hair to make them stop. There were too many memories that I just wanted to forget.

The pull on my hair got stronger until it felt like I was ripping my hair out.

There was a knock at the door which I ignored, too consumed in my thoughts. When the noise stopped, I thought that the person in front of the door had left. Instead, the door opened and Ana stepped in, half asleep. I looked at her but didn't react whatsoever. I just stayed put while looking up, observing what she was about to do. She rushed to me and started to tug at my hands, probably trying to remove my hands and lessen the pull.

"Please Titus, let your hair go. You're hurting and I know that but I can help you. You just have to let me in. Believe me when I say that it won't help to hurt yourself."

The force I had put on my hair lessened but I still gripped my hair, not letting go.

It took her a few minutes to achieve her goal but she succeeded. Her hands gripped mine, not letting go so that I wasn't able to put my hands back on my hair. Looking down, I noticed that both of my hands were bloody. According to her frozen state, Ana seemed to notice that as well. She immediately started to pull me up, pushing me from behind to lead me to the sink. She then brought both of my hands under the water while I just stared at the red water that was flowing down my hands.

After cleaning them, she pushed my chest as if saying that I should sit down on the lid of the toilet. I didn't refuse to do so as I was too distracted to not follow her request, or should I say orders?

Pulling out a first aid kit, she started to wrap the palms of my hands while making sure that she wasn't hurting me too much.

When she finished, she tidied up everything she took out of the cabinets and led me out of the room.

Her presence helped more than I thought because I was able to distract myself a little bit from the thoughts that were still in the back of my head.

Instead of walking me to the bed like I thought she would, she walked into the kitchen with me following like a lost puppy. I had no idea what she wanted to do here but I didn't comply.