archive of mine

12:06 AM

Sunday, December 18, 2022 11:16 PM

One of the things I tend to struggle with the most at this current point in time is knowing the difference between being an empath and simply being hypersensitive to situations because I have experienced them before. I guess that is the battle of intuition vs. emotions. Knowing deep down in our gut that something is true but refusing to accept it out of denial of your own intuition. Is there such as thing as being taught not to trust yourself and the heavy feelings that come upon you that somehow makes you absorb the weight and pain of others? And is it alright to question those feelings and thoughts that you bury in hopes that one day they might not come back up to haunt you? I am not sure but what I do know is that healing does not always mean that you may never feel triggered. And how far you choose to stray from that path of learning and letting things go when you are triggered is completely up to you.

Being back in situations you feel you have grown from can make you feel that you have not changed at all. That all that growth you accomplished, and that new way of thinking was all for nothing. Even though it was not. That heaviness you feel is because of the conflict between current you and old you. The fear of feeling "Am I going to go back to the way I was before?" "Was it all for nothing?" "Will I be stuck this way forever?". We end up back in those red-light situations that help us to confirm whether we are truly making the choice to change, be different, and make different choices from the ones we would have made before. But in those moments, I don't believe it is time to roll into a cocoon out of fear of what comes next, it is time to overcome the uncertainty of where you currently stand in your life and show yourself how much you have truly changed.

It is the time to show yourself that all the work you did was worth it. Because it is easy to say that you will not burn where you have been burned or have once burned if you are no longer in the fire. But when you enter that fire and you are at those crossroads faced with making the easy choice that is comfortable for you and leaves you stagnant, or the hard choice that is uncomfortable but shows your growth, it allows for you to clear the uncertainty and choose how far the healing you have done has brought you.

So, will you be able to? Will you be able to let go of our pride despite that hypersensitivity and fluctuation of different emotions pulling you in different directions and say to yourself "That is not me anymore" or will you step back into the you that you worked hard not to be anymore?

Understand that despite what it may feel like, it always about making the choice that helps you to grow in your direction of choice. It is not about anybody else or their actions, or what they feel. It is about you realizing that no matter how justified you may feel in your choices there will still be consequences for all actions you take -good or bad. Trust yourself. Trust your growth. Trust your healing. Then walk into all that is for you, leaving behind all that is not. I got this.